Turbo 10 Tackle Tour de West Lancs

Today's 9am gathering saw a similar turnout to last week in terms of numbers but a larger choice of rides as five rides were on offer. While Pam took the C's out to the coast and John Hesketh led a long B ride out to Ribchester, the other three groups were somewhat closely matched as Matt took a steady B group ride. He was keen to move the B+ riders up to Neil's A/B team, in the hope that more of those riders would either have gone with Wilko while most of us were recovering from last night's gig, or arrived for 9am and joined the top 10. By that I mean Steve Depport's ride towards Billinge and Standish. You might think that this made for a rather run-of-the-mill ride but it turned out to be anything but - and not just because yours truly brought his 800 calories an hour in his top tube bag. Steve led us out of town, beginning with the cricket club.

WELL THAT'S ONE WAY TO GET TO THE FRONT..........

I sat in on Row 2 as we headed into the wind towards the Dog and Gun. Much of the last minute talk had been of riders stepping up, and this included Gemma who was keen to give "an A ride" a go. What we didn't know until we set off was that she was bypassing the A/B cohort and jumping straight up to Steve's team! Maybe by the same token, they'll give MK Dons a free pass to the Premier League if ever they get round to winning League 1, their chances would be about as good given how many duff teams there are in the EPL this year. However, no sooner had she set the opening headline then I straightlined it to the head of the field. A car coming down Long Lane was enough to stop the group but luckily it wasn't going very fast and I used the excuse of a sticky cleat to sneak round Inder and take up position at the front. This made for a speedy opening few miles alongside Steve Depport on his "this road begs to be ridden fast" segment. We discussed such things as Balotelli's inability to score from two yards out and how the "ideal size" of athletes in various sports really is shrinking as we rode towards the local nursing home. Just before the A59, we turned left onto Butcher's Lane, a road we haven't been down for a long time. We soon found out why; this takes you under the infamous bridge which used to have craters bigger than those found on the moon but it's smooth as silk nowadays meaning the likes of Garry Lyon really can use his Red Wind 50's to best effect without worrying about them exploding into more than 50 separate parts. Soon we were onto the Boxing Day time trial course in Melling. At the time of writing there's no word on whether there will be one this year but based on the times Rick and Tom set at the national hillclimb today I think it's simply going to be yet another race for third position, Cannondale Slice or not. We turned right over the M58, seemingly towards Kirkby, but instead of visiting the market which presumably sells the fallen apples strewn all over this particular road, we turned left down the back roads towards the local racing venues, namely the road race and time trial courses We even spotted Ian Roberts and his Maxgear RT teammates out on a steady morning ride, plus a horse which looked rather troubled, or you might say less assured than Scott Mills on the Strictly dancefloor. As we reached the speed ramp towards the Rainford roundabout we shuffled the pack allowing Garry to lead the field during our brief stay on the A570 and the downhill run past Cook's Deli in Rainford - there's a shameless plug for an ABC Triathlon member and his gourmet food business, in case you hadn't guessed. We left the village via Coal Pit Lane and soon we were out into the countryside once more, contemplating how best to "deal" with Shaley Brow.

NEXT TIME YOU "WORK" ON THIS ROAD, PLEASE PUT PLANKS OF WOOD ON TOP OF THE JCB'S

In case you hadn't worked it out, we never saw Shaley Brow. Instead we looped round towards Billinge, which in itself spread the pack out a little given the long, steady climb through the housing estate. This made for a short park-up while I ate half a Bakewell flapjack from Food Connections and waited for the backmarkers to rejoin us (remember that's all relative given only ten riders were in the group today). Out of the housing estate we went onto the A571, just as some bloke in a car shouted "MIDDLETON'S? I thought you was the Merc". We should have got an inkling that further trouble was just around the corner, really. For a while it looked as though the descent and the fact that people could recover their leg and lung strength would make for a peaceful journey into Wigan but as ever, busy roads mean busy news to report on and never did this ring more true than on the descent towards Pemberton station.

First off, we were spinning out on our 50x12 gears when a blue Vauxhall which really should have stayed put darted out from behind a parked pickup truck. That was bad enough given that those of us on the right side of the formation had to change line so quickly but the situation soon escalated; a silver Audi decided to do a three-point turn just as we arrived on the scene, leaving us to choose between the gap, the other gap or the kerb. Even then the fun wasn't over; a notable absence of any roadworks signs meant that we reached a load of JCB'S laying tar in preparation for winter at warp speed and this sent us all in different directions, most of us needing to crawl over the kerbs and into a side road to rejoin. Oh for that hilarious video "The Plank" I watched as a kid where an infamous plank appears at every turn and causes no end of chaos; given my soon-to-be-ordered Topeak iGlow Mudguards only take 23mm tyres, one would at least think that a bit of stunt riding aboard a plank of wood (or even a launch pad) would have been better for Strava hunting especially with the back end of Hurricane Gonzalo behind us. The Pemberton station roundabout was positively civilised by comparison, and before we knew it we were being held to a game of stop-start-stop-start on the road past the DW Stadium where Ben Flowers is presumably in hiding after that Grand Final a couple of weeks ago (but then again it really felt as though no-one won apart from Saints' outgoing coach Nathan Brown). We were only too happy to turn left after the Winstanleys Bikes turn-off just as some more kerb-crawling took place on the other side of the road - courtesy of another group of bike riders jumping the lights, in case you were wondering. Next up was a new route, at least for me, up the B5375 also known as Wigan Lower Road. It certainly comes from a "lower" altitude all right - in fact it brings you out on the endless climb up to the M6 roundabout. This never-ending drag certainly splintered the pack but Stephen seemed to regard this novel route as a bit of a consolation prize given that he missed the chance to do the UK's longest climb - apparently it goes on for 5.5 miles at a 3% gradient, imagine how long that would take to finish as a club hillclimb? The pack regrouped after we got stopped at temporary lights on Almond Brook Road and from here our target was Eccleston and Midge Hall.

SUPER STEVE AND POWERHOUSE PAUL HURRY TO HESKIN

We turned left at the Pepper Lane Chippy and passed the car garages who failed to get my business recently on out northward run to Camelot. This passage of play was rather uneventful, so it was very encouraging to see Kuota Paul, who I'd not ridden with before, doing such a long stint with Steve Depport on the front. The pace remained around the 23mph mark for pretty much the whole run to Heskin Green, as in the M6 crossing, but rather than turn left for Mawdesley we continued over some particularly stinging potholes en route to Bygone Times in Eccleston. Here, a double-switcherooski allowed another Paul to hit the front, namely Paul Moy, together with his fellow titanium bike owner. Two V12 engines with a tailwind always means the pace goes up, and so it proved despite the warnings not to half-wheel each other. But neither of us was in that "horrible" mood and soon we were cooling the pace over the humpback bridge and on the short run to the Texaco garage. We had to single out as this road was particularly busy and this allowed Stephen to rejoin me out front. I did question whether his bikes run to a squad rotation system but apparently he just wanted to give the Di2 one last run-out before leaving it to recharge in the house for a few months. The houses didn't give us as much shelter from the wind as we would have liked but we kept the pace well over the 20mph mark, not least because I'd made use of the "single-out" time on the front to eat the remaining flapjack in the top tube bag. With my 800-calorie-per-hour strategy working a treat we did wonder if next week's rules would include gear restrictions and a ban on energy bars but one person who was enjoying a rather more leisurely ride was someone on a black and green Dolan Dual. We caught him at Croston station and he seemed pleased when I complimented his choice of colours - you certainly couldn't miss him. I thought we'd dropped him but instead he played quite a starring role on the final dash for the cafe.

CAN I PUT A TENNER EACH-WAY ON INDER AND GEMMA TO WIN THE FERRY SPRINT ON 21 DECEMBER, PLEASE?

I used the Tarleton roundabout as an excuse to allow two more riders through as the headwind hit hard. This put me down to Row 3 alongside our guest rider, who introduced himself as Stuart Smith. I'm sure I've seen that name on bike time trial results but later it emerged that he'd raced in Belgium for many years where cyclists apparently get more rights in RTC's than they do over here. For now, Inder was pedalling like a true natural perfectly suited to road racing (as opposed to yours truly who wears down the 11t sprocket on his TT bike with alarming regularity) and I suggested that he and Gemma enter a few road races next year. You wouldn't bet against them beating everyone to the Birkenhead ferry on the shortest day of the year, glow-in-the-dark mudguards or not. The pace stayed around the 20mph mark despite the best efforts of a 80m high lorry to squeeze us for space (even more lucky a gust of wind didn't blow him over) but the final sprint was contested by Steve, Garry and Charlie and they finished in that order, with yours truly staying within range to record the result and take fourth place.

Some riders headed straight home for the 1:30 kickoff but most of us, including our new recruit, headed to St Mary's for food. Garry's banoffee tart looked very appealing, but it wouldn't be much use over 200k compared to Gemma's beans on toast or my bacon and sausage barmcake. I still remember the time I downed a chocolate orange gateau here a couple of years ago and promptly got taken to the cleaners by the B group on the way home; maybe one day I'll ask them to make a selection box to take home with me. Most of today's talk centred on Stuart's adventures on the continent and the highest point in England on one of the C2C routes, which interested Inder and Gemma no end. We left just before noon as Team Wilko arrived having done 75 miles over the Roman Road; some of them looked incapable of getting off their bikes never mind time-trialling all the way home. We were starting to get rather chilly though, and were keen to head for home via the Hoscar Moss.

NEXT TIME IT'S OVER THE BEACON TO WIGAN, THEN THE TRAIN HOME

Me and Paul led the first kilometre down Rufford Road but Inder then surprised us by rocketing through the middle and upping the pace despite the strengthening headwind. We stayed out front all the way to the Hoscar Moss when John and Kev Bellion, who'd been on Neil's A/B ride, took over. At this point I suggested to Inder that I "cheat" the average speed column by joining him and Gemma back to Wigan Wallgate then letting Northern Rail and Merseyrail do the rest. Indeed, the pack splintered on more than one occasion despite my idea to hide on the left side of any titanium bike riders sat up like touring cyclists (can't think who that might be) and those heading for Upholland were mightily relieved to reach the petrol station and set about the tailwind blast home. That left me, John and Kev to tackle Dark Lane. Kev had the advantage of his FFWD 38mm deep wheels on his Dolan (his winter bike apparently on the floor of the garage ready to assemble in 465 easy parts) but no-one was up for one last attack today and we rolled into Ormskirk behind a Liverpool Century group, followed by the biggest tailback ever - you'd have thought it was the Motorfest not just 100 Sunday drivers. So we carried on and did a loop of the cricket club, all the while wondering where the headwind was coming from. We got our answer upon seeing the England flag atop the Dog and Gun indicating a straight southerly. Memo to the owner; the World Cup was four months ago, please replace it with the flag of a team that can win things.............like the Denver Broncos? We rode together up to the top of the hill where Kev turned left for home, I ate the carrot cake foil-wrapped in my jersey pocket and then set about beasting the wind all the way home, maintaining 22mph until the Scarisbrick but going rather slower past Farmer Ted's and through Great Altcar. After one last blast over the soon-to-be-resurfaced bridge I hammered it across the Tesco lights junction, before rolling into my driveway at 1:15pm after a 64 mile ride in very windy conditions. Well done to everyone who stepped up a group today!

Now for the results, powered by Food Connections Flapjacks:

Distance: 102.8km/64.25 miles

Time: 3:23:13

Average Speed: 30.35kmh/18.97mph

Mechanicals: 0

Roadblocks: 1

Mad Motorists: 3

New recruits: 1 from Blackburn

Post Ride Hydration: A choice bottle of red wine presented to me at last night's Opera Supper in Crosby with Sunday dinner

REJECT OF THE RIDE: A571 Assault Course

(Vauxhall driver+three-point-turn man+JCB'S galore=ROTR award)

See you on 2 November for another great ride. In the meantime, start thinking of challenges for next year to motivate that step up to the next group; how about a triathlon or two? The Chester Half Marathon? Or maybe some ultra-long distance challenges like C2C, P-B-P or the Etape? Today's group wasn't short of inspiration..........