The Tuesday Trip to the Truckstop

Six riders arrived at the top of Shepherd's Lane today for a rare Tuesday morning ride, including Rhian with her new Cervelo, Andy Hardiman with yet another American carbon masterpiece and yours truly. Together with the Paul and Paul duo and Sue Greene, they would embark on an 80-mile trip into the wilds of Lancashire with a rarely-used cafe stop on the A59 as the target destination. Well, there may have been six starters but only four completed the ride - and not because Kevan's wingman refused to lock off his top gear either. Read on for the full story.

CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD, BUT PAUL'S GEARBOX CERTAINLY IS

I set off alongside Sue, which meant we had two red (read aggressive rider) jerseys out front for the first couple of miles to the top of Ormskirk Hill. Sue and Rhian were rather surprised to see me out on a midweek ride but as I pointed out, just because you are fast doesn't mean you are strong and right now I'm nowhere near "on-pace" for the 5,000 miles I did last year. Indeed, I predicted that this ride would prove more challenging than you might think given there would be more to do with only a small group and the last time I looked, we're going to Lymm in a couple of week's time. One person who wasn't going anywhere, though, was Ribble Paul whose gearbox failed before we even reached Long Lane. Andy Hardiman tried ringing him but he didn't have another bike to back him up (that's what winter bikes are for I guess) and he was heading for an early bath. We set off once again past the Dog and Gun and Scarth Hill Lane, where we gave a runner a bit of abuse while he beasted the Ormskirk 10k route in preparation for the race which always clashes with either or hillclimb or the Oulton Park Duathlon - or both sometimes. Our next target was Vale Lane which would prove a very interesting hit-out for comparing power-to-weight ratios and with her gear working perfectly at this point, Rhian gave The Leach all he could handle, and more, while enjoying the instant action from the Di2 gearbox. The call then came to go straight on through Newburgh before a short park-up at the Red Lion. The next segment was over the railway line and towards the Common but while one rider stayed in his big ring, the others wanted to change down to something more sensible. However, Rhian's front Di2 mech wasn't playing ball, and the end result was the chain sliding off the rings and stopping her in her tracks. This made for quite a long park-up while we tried to diagnose exactly what happened and Rhian thought she changed to the little ring too early; I countered that it's usually an effect of leaving it too late to use the front shifter. Can't think who would do a thing like that.......It was here that a friend of mine from my Southport CC days, Spencer Coltman, parked up and helped Rhian out before recognising me, six years on from our last ride together! Clearly he wasn't up for joining either us or Kevan's "recovery ride" planned for today but then again I do remember him getting some good results on the Pimbodrome so maybe we'll meet again on 6 September, who knows? Anyway, we continued through Mawdesley past the church and eventually came out in Eccleston to begin the Chorley chapter.

"THE PERFECT CLUB RUN WOULD BE ONE WHERE NO-ONE FINISHED"

When the Tour de France began a zillion years ago, Henri Desgrange commented that the perfect race would be one where only one rider finished. Given the penchants of today's participants for crashing/puncturing/CHINOOKING into various objects you might have thought this possible, but unfortunately Rhian was still feeling it a bit after going over the Trough the other day and decided to turn for home with a little banana power to assist her. This meant that just four riders would continue to Mellor, but before that Andy wasn't sure where Bradley Lane was. I know this road extremely well because it's invariably a dumping ground for pizza boxes in the early hours of a Sunday morning but today the road was clear as could be and we weaved through the tight back lanes which got us to the A49, home of the road where Andy's new bike came from. At the Italian restaurant we turned right under the bridge and found ourselves circumnavigating the never-ending construction park that is Buckshaw Village and the various warehouses surrounding Merlin Cycles, but rather than go and look at Gemma's new racer we went left at the traffic lights then over the bridge through yet another new housing estate which brought us out onto the A6. Here, an impromptu stop was needed to shed arm warmers and long socks, and, if feeling a little hungry, devour a chocolate brownie. It seemed as though my early prediction that I would find this type of ride rather tough would prove true given I was now down to three remaining sweet treats - indeed God help me if ever I get a body metabolism scan at Dexa in Aintree - but with Andy finding it difficult to locate a perfect piss-stop park-up point we rode onwards to Shaw Brow. Predictably I got nowhere near the Trek Domane on the descent and was only too happy to make the lost ground up as we approached the first climb of the day to Top Locks. This began a rather stop-start stanza where the four riders regularly spread out but pride of place must go to Sue who regularly ate alive all the non-Specialized riders (shouldn't have deserted the Morgan-Hill team, Andy) on her De Rosa. We continued this stop-start approach as Andy went off to water the flowers while the rest of us ambled up Top O'the Hill Lane en route to Brindle but just 800 metres from the line, The Leach bombed past yours truly to reach the junction well clear. Here, we turned right, and this marked the first step into relatively unknown territory.

TOUR DE GLEN JOHNSON RETIREMENT HOME

Andy directed us through to Hill House Lane where we plunged down the gravel-strewn descent at a very fast pace indeed. This brought us out at my duck-wrap stop from last year's Roman Road, namely the Sirloin in Hoghton, and from here we meandered through a long maze of back roads to the A677. These included a double 1 in 6 effort (down then up) on the aptly-named Further Lane. Further indeed because I was wondering "are we nearly there yet" especially given there were a few signs for the A59. However, Andy had other ideas, turning left off the A677 for Mellor, then sending us past a pub and the accompanying deli through Mellor itself. At this point he said something about turning left at the football pitches. These were very hard to find as everything is well set-back from the road in this neck of the woods but eventually we regrouped and Andy told us the stories of how hard the headwind was for the left-back facing the goal at the east end of the pitch in mid-winter. At least we know where we'll find a hard man replacement once Martin Skrtel moves on in the next couple of years or when Glen Johnson finally gets kicked out of Anfield - maybe the local club would send their star defender to Anfield as a straight swap? Eventually we reached the A59 but I was sure we needed to reach a dual carriageway, from having passed the place with Wilko on a previous occasion. Andy assured us this was not the case but instead we turned the WRONG way, only correcting with a U-turn through a small gap in the traffic when we saw a sign for Ribchester. We nearly missed it on the way back west but Sue had alread passed the winner's post when Andy said "it's HERE". So after a second one-point turn we could park up at the truck stop and set about perusing the menu.

Breakfast food was popular today, so too the bakewell tart, though I would never have had room for any after devouring a pulled pork ciabatta, chips and salad. All that with tea for just £7.50 - how good is that? Shame about the huge amount of rocket leaves that don't agree with my stomach but hey, who wants to hold someone's wheel when noxious gases one step short of germ warfare are getting up their nostrils every 20 seconds? Most of the talk centred on the Trough ride and trips to Wales, including the club trip and the big sportive just one week before our road race. I'm not sure that Glen Johnson would necessarily approve of this cafe (I'm saying this because I once saw him in Don Luigi Formby) but even he would agree that you get very hearty portions and generous refills of tea for a bargain basement price. With the clock past 1pm we set sail for home via a little side-road "deep in the valley" in the words of Andy himself.

PUT A BULLET PROOF VEST ON, AND SHOOT MYSELF IN THE HEAD - WITH AN EXOCET MISSILE OF COURSE

Sue led us away from the cafe just as two notable vehicles passed us. First, a huge Dairy Crest tanker overtook, then an open-topped vintage Triumph roadster. I was particularly surprised to see the first vehicle as the place shut down three years ago and funnily enough, it shut the very week my dad took retirement! Then again, maybe it was a backup BP tanker or something like that. Andy got us off the Ar9 as soon as he could and sent us down a parallel road into the back of BAE Systems. The run-in is a nice flat road so I'm not surprised that Rick Taylor's got plenty of practice at finish line sprints here down the years but soon Andy Hardiman was trying some diplomacy with the bloke on the entrance. The rest of us preferred to look away lest they mistake us for spies - the last thing we needed given no-one had bullet proof vests under their jerseys - but soon we were dicing with a couple of blokes resurfacing the pathway running parallel to the main road. Twice I clipped a sharp stone and nearly lost control but soon we were back up to speed on the carriageway and maintaining a steady 20mph for the most part, before crossing the A59 at the BP and heading past the water treatment works, where some bloke on, you guessed it, a Planet X Exocet flew past us looking extremely fast but also very hunched over - as I pointed out the other day, maybe the likes of Focus aren't barking up the wrong tree when they raise the front ends on their new TT bikes. We carried on and before we knew it we were in Bamber Bridge, where the next bit of fun and games took place. There's always plenty of traffic here no matter what day or time we pass through, but star of the show was some bloke driving a Post Office van who was obviously very lost and straddled two lanes just as we weaved around him - maybe it was the red beard blocking his view? Either way it didn't inspire us with confidence, and maybe this filtered through to the KA driver who stalled at the green lights on the way out of town, enabling us to steal right of way. By the time we'd paased the new builds at the mini-roundabout and scared a kitten crossing the road through the speedbump segment I'd probably doubled my time on the front for the whole year so was quite happy when the lights changed and I got a rest. From here I actually got to do a bit of directing as it was obvious we were following the signs for Longton and Midge Hall which, I'm pleased to say, is in a far more passable state than for many a long year. So we kept the pace above 20mph for the most part, as did Andy when he took over at the Black Bull, before the legs started to tire as we reached Eccleston, where Sue was only too keen to recollect tales of toiling over tarmac when the road was being re-laid a while back. I did point out that the grass might have been an option but today, one-off road section, to say nothing of the many gravel patches we encountered today, was more than enough. As the first signs for Mawdesley appeared, the mileage count went over the 60 mark - and as I predicted earlier, this is where it would get seriously tough.

WARNING: LOW FUEL, COCOA POWER AND LIQUID-GAS NEEDED NOW

As we approached the Eagle and Child we briefly passed Dolan Etape Man with his Liquigas jersey, but as soon as we reached the Hoscar Moss I was looking for things to take my mind off how heavy and achy my legs were. While I was discussing the proposed Sports Direct takeover of Evans Cycles with Andy, Etape Man shot past us once more and was never seen again! We kept him in sight briefly as we approached the Ring O'Bells but he could spin far faster than any of us after the petrol station and we were more than happy he was going straight on to Skelmersdale. Instead, we continued down Dark Lane, but instead of letting The Leach blow us all away in the usual beast mode sprint finish we extended the ride with a little loop round the back of Edge Hill, where we gave abuse to yet another runner who just needs to get faster. But then again, don't we all say that to ourselves every day. Eventually Scarth Hill Lane, and John Lynch, came into view and after waving at him we could plunge down the descent to the Dog and Gun, before contemplating how to head for home. While Paul turned down his road round the back of the Dog and Gun and Andy did another loop of Gaw Hill Lane, I went to view Sue's next business venture, namely a small guest house near West Tower, to complement their fine facilities and pretty special foodie photos (check out the cheese and wine on this one http://www.westtower.com/food-drink.html) Sue's new venture is taking shape very nicely indeed, with the conservatory of old being converted into a room for finalising plans the night before the grand occasion. At 3:45pm it was time to head for home and I began by time-trialling to the Gastropub, before shovelling down a second brownie and chasing after a rider in the distance. Just as I caught him at Farmer Ted's, though, he turned right for Lydiate - mission not accomplished. Feeling rather sleepy by now I nonetheless caned it over the rough roads of Great Altcar before arriving at Tesco lights just after 4pm and after the final surge down Altcar Road I’d topped the 80 mile mark for the first time all year, so I could roll down my drive very happy indeed. Many thanks to Andy for the route and choice of café stop, and also to Sue for posting it on the Facebook page last night, here’s to more miles and more strength for all as we head into the peak phase of the season.

Now for the results, in association with Rhian‘s choice, the Cervelo R3 Di2:

Distance: 128.10km/80.06 miles

Time: 4:57:38

Average Speed: 25.82kmh/16.14mph

Troublesome Gearboxes: 2

Cute Kittens: 1

Firearms Discharged: One Exocet (missile)

Sweet Treats Consumed: 2 brownies and a Gatorade

Cost of Café Stop: £7.50 (best value since the Rigbye last year on IMUK day)

REJECT OF THE RIDE: Two Gearboxes

(One for ending Paul’s day before it even started and the other for throwing Rhian’s chain off. But at least I got to meet an old friend - Matt can we sign Spencer up please?)

Have a good ride on Sunday, I won’t be there as I’m in Crewe. Hope the chainey went well tonight!