Time to Shake Off Some Rust - "Not the Rake" edition

So it was back to work for me today as after a six week break due to JP'ING I was out the door on less than six hours of sleep to join the gathering at the shop for the 9am rides, not trusting recent inconsistency enough to join Rick Taylor's ride to the Rake. As such a dew smaller than usual groups formed, with Matt running a C/development group on a ride about club run etiquette, John Jenkins leading a ride to Winter Hill and Steve Depport taking the A group with only eight riders on a local tour first, followed by Euxton, Orrell and a return route through St Helens. The town Coach Chinook is hoping will work out well for him once he's managed to get on a coaching course at Loughborough, but you probably already guessed that anyway. Steve led his group out of town first, beginning with the rugby club.

TIME FOR A MINIMUM TYRE WIDTH AS WELL AS DISCS THEN, JOHN FARRINGTON?

I set off on the left side of Row 3 next to Jonathan Collins who was surprised he hadn't seen me for a while. Truth be told we've not often been on rides together this year and when we have it's usually been when he's just returned from the United States of Europe climbing hour long mountains. Our first few miles incorporated the back of Hurlston Hall route infrequently used on club rides but a favourite of mine for early morning coffee only runs, if only because there's a ditch on the other side to let off some steam. However, on a bike my 23mm tyres which equated to equipment doping on smooth roads were positively hazardous and it appeared as though the others were equally spooked. We were rather happier one we reached the road to the Burscough industrial estate featuring a local go-kart circuit, something every festive social season should visit (disc brakes only here) before continuing north towards the Farmers Arms where St Helens Tri have hosted many a Christmas breakfast. Next up was the New Lane railway crossing and the route to Curlew Lane, which Rob Shirley remarked must be my favourite road. Well, favourite to crash spectacularly on and end your chances of riding a Race group S5 size 54. We cleared this road with no bikes on the floor, not even the ambler tootling on his push iron slower than I run, and from here it was the A59 and A581 to Croston where the sun was very low and it was just as well the people running across the road with the dogs had brought their fastest shoes. It was all pretty peaceful as we made our way to Euxton, waving at a large group of what looked like Croston riders coming the other way. By now I was moving up the order preparing to push it out front so it was quite invigorating to blast through the fast down-then-up chicane prior to Euxton. We turned right once it became apparent we were within a mile of Merlin Cycles where every pair of bike tyres has a reduced label on it, and set sail for Rob Shirley's summer bike vendor Buy-a-Bike.

BEWARE CAR DOORS AND FAT PEOPLE - LET'S JUST GO FASTER AND BLOCK THE ROAD

We did the descents as in the rarely travelled version of the Col de Huge Junction as someone chose that moment in time to open their car door and nearly take us out, instead all they got was first place on the Reject leaderboard. Once up the other side, now with me and Rob on the front, we set about using the cheat method of super lightweight tyres (just like the Vittoria Diamantes I nabbed from Merlin the other week) and lit up the timing monitors/computers in style despite the best efforts of at least one Sunday driver to stick their nose out into the road. This was just after we officially entered the Wigan area so it was almost fitting that we passed the Pepper Lane chippy, then the Charnley Arms - named after the ex-Wigan RL/current Sale Sharks player Josh (haha YOU LOST TODAY, GO LEICESTER TIGERS) Now we were top of the M6 junction so naturally this meant the most glorious descent ever followed by a few nasty slow-me-downs. The greasy grids were one thing, but we spotted two Mercury groups (one with 5 and one with 1) slogging up the other way, we had a couple of motorists who needed THE ARM shoved in their face to stop them pulling out and to top it off me and Rob Shirley nearly met in the middle at the bridge before the railway underpass which led us to the first show-off moment of the day. One notorious demon disc descender used his prowess to vault past every non-Wilko person at the park up point, or for some the piss stop point where John Farrington praised the disc brakes on the best bike he's ever owned and me and John Collins mused over whether our own favourite brands offer something similar. Once off and running again we rode to the Stag in Orrell, home of the Endurance Store Christmas party 'til late (post Wigan Pier BOUNCE standard) but it was here that the ultimate Reject award winner was crowned; the world's first rust painted Volkswagen Polo! You've never seen a dirtier car and I dread to think what the state of the gearbox must be but at first I did a double take thinking it was painted burnt orange only to realise the rear window was also covered in the dusty stuff. Having enjoyed a good laugh at numpty's expense we continued towards the T-junction where Kevin and Emma crashed nearly a year ago, namely the Billinge ice-cream shop traffic lights in preparation for Moss Bank.

GOD HELP THE PEOPLE OF MANCHESTER IF ME AND DANIEL INVITE KEV TO THE NEXT RACE

We meandered our way through Billinge itself then onwards to Moss Bank, a climb which I've run up both sides of but only ever cycled up from the St Helens side. Wilko was straight into it and Daniel once again looked effortless in his ability to tap out top tempo torture intensity to the rest of us, with me enjoying an armchair view of proceedings before gingerly descending into St Helens itself. It was great to hear from Daniel that he wants to join us at Wythenshawe for the next round of the cross country but I can't imagine the two of us leading a rehab group the following morning. Maybe we should just stay in Manchester and invite Kev Murphy to join us in the Continental market? I'm sure Amy would approve. We continued into the Windle residential area through the old streets leading to the town centre score passing the Gerard Pub en route to Eccleston, where a fair few new builds have appeared recently as well as a couple of runners enjoying a morning jog at slightly less than Chinook pace. At the traffic lights it was right towards the safari park where me and Daniel got out front. The first bit through the M57 roundabout complex was civilised, less so the segment through Huyton, not because there were no smashed cars or burglar alarms going off for once, rather because we both want to finish as high as possible in that cross country race two weeks from now. The pace only intensified over the Stockbridge Village bridge and past the Derby Arms in Knowsley Village, and the 20 minutes of needs-must torture was ended, rather ironically, by Mr Torture himself John Farrington. Shortly afterwards we parked up at the A580 intersection where I spotted a quick opportunity for a Beet It bar to stop myself from falling sideways on the bike after being so stressed out and now it was peace in our time until the roadworks round the back of Kirkby. Here, I announced to everyone's delight that they had all qualified for the St Helens Tri cross country team next time out. Wilko seemed surprised saying "just go for a ride" until I pointed out that the race is on Saturday which means you still get to hammer knackered legs the following morning. And it's the day before I turn 33, so you know what that means, CAKE..........Back to today's ride, there wasn't far to go now so the remaining few miles were going to come down to who had been putting the miles in. Or maybe, just whose head was actually staying in a straight line?

HE'D NEVER BEAT CHINOOK IN A PARKRUN WITHOUT HIS BLACK TAG DEAL RACING FLATS

The group was soon down to seven as Rob Shirley turned for home before we reached Coach Road but it could have been wiped out altogether had the two Mercedes drivers hit head on when the one on our side was attempting to pass the group. After today's closest call we were relieved to reach Bickerstaffe, where we turned left at the church and spotted what looked like an extremely hungover runner warming up having skipped breakfast on his way to the M58 crossing; here's hoping he gets a black tag DEAL on the same Saucony type A's that won me the Widnes Parkrun (did I remember to tell you about that one). We left Mr Wobble to his own devices and continued towards the Aughton chaingang sprint finish line. However, with no Formby squirrels present today and no pink socks barking orders that you MUST bury yourself or you will lose the next race you do, the group went separate ways at the Dog and Gun. Some went left, others carried on to the traffic lights and I kept Wilko company for a bit until I turned left for Alty's Lane, time-trialling at 24mph just like the days of yesteryear until forced to actually use the brakes into the Bridge Street complex. Here, I turned left towards Morrisons but none of the reduced bargains appealed so I waited until after lunch to raid Tesco for a few items on the cheap and round off a brilliant day to return where we completed 52 miles in near perfect weather. More of the same next week please!

Now for the results, brought to you by John Farrington's choice, the Cervelo R5 Disc:

Distance: 84.8km
Time: 2:46:55
Average Speed: 30.48kmh
Rusty Volkswagens: 1
Beet It Bars: 2
Star Performers of the Day: Daniel for proving why running makes you ride quicker/Wilko for reminding everyone he's still the boss

REJECT OF THE RIDE: The rusty Volkswagen
(A bit of dirt and grime is nothing to any non-Danny Shearer person but that was ridiculous)

See you all next week for another great ride. Only four weeks until the HMCC Christmas shin dig now, got to make room for all those empty calories, let's get back on it!