P is for Preston, Pizza and Power Surge

The first mass participation A ride of the summer season attracted 25 to the shop today for the 8am start. I'm not sure if this will become the status quo week in week out, but it had the desired effect of putting multiple leaders and whip-em-into-shape types together with a few who've not long stepped up from the B group. Also joining the party were the top two from yesterday, Tom showing off his new S-Works Tarmac while Stephen Nelson opted for the summer bike in the hope that he'd still have existing wheel rims going down Jeffrey's Hill. Matt led us out of town, beginning with Dark Lane.

LOOK, TWO FERRARIS ON THE FRONT, IT'S LIKE THE VETTEL AND RAIKKONEN SHOW

Matt was out front for the first few miles while I nestled into row 3 next to one of the crack-the-whip types, namely Ste Francis. I always see this as good practice for the few minutes before a race when you're about to drop a C-bomb (C stands for Chinook) on the Stadt Moers Parkrun to record the UPSET SPECIAL to end all UPSET SPECIALS (even more so than what happened today at Old Trafford - oh how I was so lucky not to choke on my post ride snack reading about that one). We reached the Hoscar Moss having completed the first seven kilometres without any major incident apart from the usual bump-hopping over the left-right towards the Ring O'Bells. Shortly after descending the bridge the blood pressure went through the roof as it was time for me and Tony to lead the way, as per the headline title, but with no whippersnappers bashing us out of the way as per today's madness at the Chinese Grand Prix, we could set about doing what we do best; namely pushing the 52x11 while discussing recent races and, in particular, whether Tiffany, the star of yesterday's Ormskirk Parkrun, rides a bike (Matt if you're reading this, tell her the Cipollini range is rubbish and that a Planet Flex will suit her better, if she starts cycling we're dead). There were no hold-ups during the Hoscar Moss passage of play but we had to wait a  little for Jeff "fashionably late" Dunne. While waiting for him I tried to effect a one-point turn in front of a box of horses on its way back from Aintree whose drive looked less than impressed at the sight of me trying to track stand in the middle of the road. Some took the opportunity for a quick piss stop on Back Lane but on the restart I insisted on keeping the order the same and so we powered on through Mawdesley where they've put plenty of red humps to try, unsuccessfully, to slow us down. It was a bit unnerving though, especially working on brand new wheels and tyres pumped up to 110 for more speed so we were relieved to clear the village and set sail for Eccleston, where we handed over possession of the front jut as my computer sensor came loose. This required a quick stop to reset the position and make me wonder why I didn't just get one of those jobbies that fit inside the fork. For more speed, in case you were wondering. From here it was on to Midge Hall and, through the usual sequence of roads, into the countryside via the garden centre and railway line.

O NOOBS OF LONGRIDGE, WHEN WILL WE SEE, YOUR LIKE AGAIN? (HOPEFULLY NEVER)

We enjoyed rather smoother terrain than normal until the left hander in the open where a big hole appeared on the racing line. Just imagine what chaos that would have caused in Chorley! Anyway, we were soon into Penwortham because we're so awesome at descending to the roundabout and it wasn't long before the ultimate training for how to win an October sportive, John Farrington-style appeared in the form of the cobbled bridge. I did wonder if we would go over the tramlines but luckily Matt turned right past the train station where I go from in five weeks' time for the biggest music competition ever in Edinburgh and from here it was a quick descent back to the main thoroughfare through town to the lights and the sign for Longridge. This got a bit unnerving when I saw the signs for Jeffrey Hill because I knew the Clitheroe triathlon was on today, but Matt assured us that we wouldn't have anything to worry about. That is, unless you count on HGV Man refusing to give us any space at a single lane bridge and nearly wipe the whole group out, ora white Nissan "half passing" (AKA doing a Max Verstappen) on the back of the group, which due to rotation now featured me. With these two idiots now top of the ROTR leaderboard Matt gave us the signal to open up the throttle and let it rip. Tom wasn't in the least bit worried as he scampered away unchallenged but everyone else looked like they were giving each other a stare-out as if to roll the bass drum to ratchet up the tension. This had the desired effect of Tony going past both me and Stephen to take second, Jeff to pass me for fourth and yours truly to get the "losing bonus point" for completing the whole climb in the big ring. Yes, really. I did a right tank-slapper on the left hander as we began the descent and was lucky to stay upright but even Stephen's wheel rims held out so we could park up and set about eating nutri-grain bars or going in the bushes for another piss stop. It took quite a long time for all 25 to arrive, making me wonder if recent gains were down to mileage or dietary choices. Apart from Ste Francis who seems offended if he doesn't get a restart on the front the running order was pretty similar to before the climb. We continued on the rolling road towards Chipping to begin the homeward bound segment of the ride.

"MATT WOULDN'T HAVE A CAFE STOP IF HE WAS GETTING IT FOR FREE"

When you reach Chipping, there are really two options; turn left at the pub or go past the Cob on the Corner Cafe. Here, Hodgy shouted that Matt wasn't stopping and I remembered a FB comment already mentioned in the title of chapter 3. I'd go one step further as I always must and suggest that Matt and a few others would do the ride on no breakfast and -1 cafe stops if they could, but not all of us are hashtag strong after 70 miles with no food, next thing you know they'll be banning any energy bars on the rides. The pace gradually ramped up on the roads through Inglewhite where Stefan really started going for it in an attempt to reel his son in on future 10's before the Ferrari show resumed on the front and I locked the 52x11 in big stylee to get really beastly. After all, the bloke who I beat for the championship at Stadt Moers park last Saturday was racing again yesterday in Northwich and guess what? Ultimate heartbreak - he came second by one second, 18:00 to 17:59! See, I told you that YOLOING was the difference between first and second. This position on the front we held all the way to Broughton where Wilko was needed to direct some of the junction choices but no sooner had the two Parkrun extroadinaires relinquished the lead duties then Stephen had an issue with his rear brake so a quick park up was needed while it was fixed and I recalled to Stephen Graham my epic wobble on Jeffrey's. By now I was conscious of the need to move onto the A6 to go to the Grand Prix so was only too happy when we hammered it down the road past the railway line before a quick duck under the bridge set off quite a series of miscues that affected many people, but not me.

"CHINOOK WOULDN'T MISS A CAFE STOP IF HE WAS ABLE TO BLAG IT"

After a sequence of bad luck with the lights, the back of the pack wondered which way the front runners had gone. Up to Penwortham or over the cobbles? I never got the answer to that, because I was heading south and east into the headwind for Chorley where I was looking forward to din dinz. However, I spotted a Booths at the roadside and decided I would blag my free coffee for the day, but while I was in the queue an old lady asked me was I going to win the race? Of course I was. Well, hang on, no I was on a bike, not a pair of Saucony Type A's, so instead I would just have to slog to Walton Summit through the roadworks, and I wasn't sure I'd make it there without running out of energy until Number 98, who'd been dropped off the back early, confirmed to me that the town centre wasn't far away. After another faff with finding the right road for the start/finish straight I made my way down the row of stalls before seeing my godsend: the Flying Pig Company WOOD FIRED PIZZAS! That's right it was time to eat al fresco and order a large meat lovers pizza for £8 and this I demolished in the company of Garry and Linsey who had turned off one of the B rides to get to the race. Almost as if on cue, two more legends arrived, Rick Taylor plus Ross the Ribble Man from Preston. He's done a solo ride to get here and was eager to get a bite to eat so while Rick went to the N-Fuse team base and Garry and Linsey rode home, me and Ross went up the hill to Cafe Ambio in Astley Park, where I enjoyed hot chocolate plus an espresso cake. I'm sure Matt's banned me now from the A group for eating so much (indeed some have already wondered why I don't weigh 20 stone) but it was perfect timing with a rainstorm passing over Chorley and with matey-boy heading for home I could now visit the N-Fuse team base. I know that company name sounds like a dance act from the 90s or modern day Reminisce festival but it's actually a fantastic company with a small but growing product range. I particularly liked their Surge drink, it's high time sports nutrition became more targeted and with beta alanine, this really could fit the bill. Definitely one for my cupboard. With the bikes going past once again and two more fly-by rounds to come I popped into the White Hart for a pint only to be mistaken for one of the racers..........did they not see the pizza? Having finished the Angelo Poretti I made my way back to the finish line for the final lap, then once again as the leaders came into view for the decisive move that won the race, namely Karol Domagalski winning for One Pro Cycling from Johnny Mcevoy with Richard Handley joining teammate Johnny on the podium to make it a 2-3 for Madison-Genesis. Having enjoyed the day so much it was time to burn off the pizza and beer and head for home via Coppull and Standish.

HOW TO RIDE HOME JOHN FARRINGTON STYLE - BEAST THE DOWNPOUR AND DON'T TOUCH THE SQUIRREL SNATCHER

My first assignment was clearing Chorley and this I did via the pedestrianised bit leading you back towards Buckshaw Villae but I wanted to go back via Standish so set about beasting the descent off the roundabout and then the subsequent climb back to the A49. From here it was on to the new housing development opposite the Charnley Arms (well if I'd gone past the Pepper Lane Chippy I'd still be there now) and I reached Parbold Hill just as Ice Cream Van Man was made redundant for the day as a downpour arrived. But I told myself to keeping burning body fat and keep my weight under 20 stone by attacking the downhill in an attempt to set off the speed camera. After this blatant bit of white line hopping it was into Parbold and past the Wayfarer which surely we must try for a club social before the simple task of through Burscough, down the A59 and one last round of me shouting YOLO as I reached the Fiveways, before turning into my road and parking up having covered 77 miles. That's how to make it an all day trip, and that's how to do a Chorley GP tribute ride!

Now for the results, powered by Rick's choice, N-Fuse Surge:

Distance: 123.25km
Time: 4:11:24
Average Speed: 29.42kmh
Loose Bike Parts: 2
Hors Cat Climbs: 1
Downpours: 2
Feeding times: 2 with the A group plus three more in Chorley
My New Weight: not going to look

REJECT OF THE RIDE: Losers of Longridge
(That's a joint award to HGV Man and Nissan Man)

See you all next week as we go once again. If we keep getting the mileage up (80 with food always beats 50 with no food) it'll be hashtag sub 4 hours on the Roman Road, trust me..........