P is for Powerslide, Phat Tyres and Philadephia Cream Cheese

Happy New Year everyone! And there was no shortage of energy and gusto among those gathered at the shop today as four groups were needed to sort out the 50 members who turned up. Steve Depport took the race group on a 55 miler while Gemma's B ride went to Altrincham and Cathy took the C's round local lumps. That left just seven takers for the standard A ride led by Neil who used his local knowledge of where he used to live to give us some new, traffic free routes. This group headed off second, beginning with the cricket club.

NOW THERE'S AN IDEA, USE TIGHT, SLOW ROADS TO WARM UP PROPERLY

I slotted in on the right side of row 2 next to Phil, on that rarest of beasts; a St Helens Tri Dolan, not ridden by Daniel Jones, on an HMCC ride. I was surprised that the legs were firing so well early doors after yesterday's "Salute to Schumacher" season opener at Crosby Marina and as such I nearly clipped a rear wheel once or twice in the opening few miles, but it was nice to take in Catharine's Lane AKA the Ormskirk 10k route on the way to Simonswood. On the A506 I took up a slot on the front row alongside Neil just as two Phoenix groups came the other way on their ride to Roots; apparently they alternate their northerly runs with trips to Wales. We headed south to the Derby Arms and stayed on the road for Kirkby but rather than go to the markets we went left onto a very slippery Back Lane, dodging a well behaved dog/miniature wolf on the way which looked suspiciously like one of the wagging tails at the Iron Men yesterday. After that it was onto the road race course towards Matt's favourite route of Coach Road, but Chris Little on his MTB/road bike didn't have the gravitas to command us in that direction much to my relief and as such we continued towards the TT arena known as the D10/1. Having led for quite some time I handed over just after the Holdi roundabout and sat back into the proverbial armchair for the ride through Rainford village, northern division, before we turned left for Crawford village which was its usual double-parked cars tunnel job en route to Pimbo garden centre. However, we wouldn't go hunting for spring flowers today, rather we turned right on a popular St Helens Tri run route towards Fir Tree Farm, until we reached the T-junction for Shaley Brow. At least one mutter of "thank f***ing God for that" could be heard as we turned right over the bridge then left on a shortcut run towards Billinge where the rise towards the housing estate spread us out a bit, eventually regrouping through the right corners and then stopping at the ice cream parlour lights for the second part of the ride towards Winstanley and Orrell.

HOW'S THAT FOR BAD TIMING, TIMES TWO

Emma will remember a couple of winters ago, the Charlotte Newton BADASS 312 year, when her tyres ran out of grip at the Billinge junction and she split her helmet in coming off. Well, as I pulled away on the southerly run towards Winstanley, my rear tyre went all over the place and I was so lucky that my "stop pedalling" reaction kicked in otherwise this report might have been getting written from A&E. That'll teach me not to pump the tyres up on Sunday mornings. I recovered my senses and gingerly put the power down on the gentle descent towards the crossroads where right takes you to Garswood, where I was involved with the cruelty free fair last month. For our part, we turned left down a road which looked a little like the Eiffel forest with tall trees aplenty, and I wasn't sure where we were until we reached another crossroads where we often go straight towards Orrell. It turned out that the best way to the Stag pub was actually straight on, via a long flat road where we even got to set off the monitor telling us "YOUR SPEED 22". Sounds about right especially for those riding 2.2 inch tyres with drop bars. As we reached the crossroads where right turns towards Standish we spotted some riders flying through the junction fairly spread out and I assumed it was the Nelson group, but it was more likely Stephen Graham and his friend because we caught sight of a HMCC jersey in the descent to Gathurst station. Here, the lights changed at the perfect time, but part 2 of "how's that for bad timing" kicked in on the bridge at the foot of the climb because a 4x4 took about a week and a half to get into third gear. How kind of them. Eventually I overtook Stephen and his teammate only to panic momentarily at the roundabout. Phil asked me "is it straight on" to which I pointed out that it's the only way to Standish. I got the hammer down on the restart and was lucky enough to eventually get a margin sufficient to fit in a banana stop at Cat in the Window new houses, much to the disapproval of Cannondale Supersix Man who I passed 100 metres before the summit. He continued to Wrightington while we proceeded up to the gunsmiths but a shotgun might have been a good idea because Renault Clio Driver went within a few centimetres of Neil and nearly took him out! That was quite enough for one hour of hard effort so we parked up briefly before setting off north towards Coppull. 

SO THAT'S WHY CHRIS TAKES HIS DROP BARS OFF ROAD

We were lucky not to be delayed at the Standish traffic lights by two misbehaving mudguards courtesy of me and Paul but we were quickly on our way again under the railway bridge and onto the A5106 for Coppull. Here, a few riders started to drop back looking a bit creased over in the aero position, before Neil took us left at the Thyme and Plaice leaving me to wonder if we would be going back to the A49. We did get there eventually, via a sequence of roads which were very diverse and challenging, in particular the two technical descents with a myriad of potholes and a tight bridge crossing. In between the two descents we got the pleasure of seeing a little pond with three happy geese chillaxed at the poolside, but the second downhill brought us out halfway down Butterworth Brow which was far more what we're used to, or to put it another way the fun was kind of over. That was what I thought, but our next assignment was round the back of the new builds in Chorley. First, Paul's gearbox gave him a slow getaway onto the main road and then on the S-bend before the roundabout, Vauxhall Astra Man wrapped up the Reject award by taking to the hatched zone in the middle of the road and driving around 15cm from the riders on the right side! I had an armchair view of all this because I was sat at the back with all the changes on the front and shouted "what the F*** are you doing" so hard it should have rattled their rusty old exhaust pipe but they disappeared up the road leaving us to turn right at the Euxton roundabout for the A49 at long last and we stayed there until the next big crossroads, turning left towards Midge Hall. Once at the Texaco a few wondered aloud if we would turn towards Croston, especially when we had to let a couple of bubble cars through at the MOT centre, but we turned right to do some more miles north of Croston by taking in Bretherton, eventually coming out at the end of the Southport TT course. A right then left got us into the perfect position to open up the gas on the A59, where we caught up once more with Kuota Kebel Man, who'd passed us earlier on Cocker Bar Road. I did ask him if he'd just stopped at Twin Lakes and he didn't answer; in all likelihood he'd got lost in doing a TT route recce. He continued towards Southport while we turned down the A59 to Rufford for the final dash to 90 (kilometres).

THE EAGLE HAS LANDED AT BOOTHS #FLYCHINOOKFLY

It was a long push into the crosswind as we began the ride to Rufford. We wondered aloud where Meadow Lane was and indeed we only really got down to business once Neil confirmed it was after the cafe. He must have been stunned to realise I wasn't going to the Marina, instead I would join him on Meadow Lane as we crossed the cobbled bridge and the railway line. On this road I got a good chat with Phil about the new format for my race reports; I'm creating the Coach Chinook brand which will be a new website comprising races, product reviews, training tips and, probably NOT any "sport of fitness" style pics (sits back and awaits comments about the kit and colour choices yesterday. Well, can you say 44 seconds..........) This road eventually leads you to the end of the Hoscar Moss and the Ring O'Bells, where me and Phil swapped sides and I went right for Booths while the rest headed for Dark Lane (think some must have gone for din dinz at the marina). At the world's greatest supermarket I popped into the cafe for vegetable samosas and Americano all for £3.50 before raiding the boom fridge for quinoa and hummus. If I wasn't vegan I'd have tried to wind up all the people I know are Chicago Bears fans by buying all the Philadelphia (EAGLES) cream cheese but I wouldn't stoop to the levels of Everton fans so settled for the booms I already had, and then set off down the A59 and up Ormskirk Hill for one last YOLO before parking up at home having beaten the 90km required for the half Ironman (deferred from last summer's shin splints incident). Thanks Neil for a great opener to 2019, what a weekend it's been!

Now for the results, brought to you by Philadelphia cream cheese:

Distance: 92.26km
Time: 3:14:11
Average Speed: 28.51kmh
Dogs: 1
Stupid Drivers: 2
Cannondale Supersixes: 1

Geese: 3

Powerslides: 1
Misbehaving Mudguards: 2 both on Van Nicholas bikes
Post Ride Nutrition: Hummus on toasted muffins watching Wasps beat the Northampton Saints

REJECT OF THE RIDE: Vauxhall Astra
(Did Neil's and Chris Little's lights not give it away a bit?)

See you all next week to make it two out of two, let's keep the HMCC bandwagon rolling all the way to Tour de Mon. Project Anglesey anyone?