The Oktoberfeast Opener 2017 - Southport to St Mary's Edition

I'm not sure how many people stayed in to watch the Malaysian Grand Prix but there were only just enough riders for two groups at the shop today for the 9am departure. Apparently there were 25 on Wilko's ride north east to the middle of nowhere, so clearly some were very organise in their winter bike preparation unlike me; I only just got the mudguards on and the makeshift combo of running watch and Garmin together in time while watching the first half of the race over breakfast. The joys of running a detached house on your own, indeed. Anyway, I was in no mood to let the fist day of winter training pass me by so with the Chinook once more pushed into service by a combination of wintry roads and the second dead chain incident in four weeks (the latest coming half a mile from home while YOLOING own Ormskirk Hill) we set off for a first taste of winter on a nice comfy armchair of a bike, beginning with the cricket club.

WHO NEEDS TO RAZZ IT LIKE RICK WHEN TOU CAN JUST EAT UP THE MILES LIKE EMMA?

Our first mile was really a redux of last week's Ormskirk 10k route or for some of us the trip to the beer festival after the Kendal Triathlon. I was on row 2 next to Ronnie as we made our way over the bumps of Alty's Lane then up to the Dog and Gun and across the junction where some marshals were tending to a soon-to-be-busy road race course featuring one Rick Taylor. I could have gone to the race then made someone an offer they couldn't refuse for their race bike at the end of the season but given how well things went on today's higher-position setup I have to wonder if Stephen Nelson has the right idea with his Synapse disc bike. After waving to the officials we continued through Aughton and to the Miller and Carter where two Liverpool Mercury riders were waiting for their teammates. We crossed the carriageway and now it was mud and off road time down the farm tracks towards Lydiate, up a bridge, down the JP segment known as The Other Side, and past what looked like a very busy church, maybe there was a car boot sale or an episode of Bargain Hunt on today? Paul was already having a tough time alongside Emma on the front, so he must have been delighted when the call to change came only for yours truly to be next man up. So now we had two people who have starred at wildly varying styles of races (at least until you see me try to complete a half Ironman in the Cotswolds next August) but for the next few miles I was trying to decide whether impaired hearing as in "ease off"..........sorry I didn't hear that..........was a blessing or a curse. Because the crosswind was strengthening all the while and despite using a skull cap to straighten my balance out my head was all over the place as we passed Farmer Teds. As such, the last thing we needed was a couple of desperate motorists forcing their way through, so naturally that's exactly what we got. But neither were driving a Toyota Yaris (now for the results in association with..........) and as such we could concentrate on the Haskayne Moss where Emma took the group apart and I tried to do likewise despite having to provide colour commentary through the myriad of road ridges, nine if which took anyone out. After the second bridge John Pout, on his winter Felt, joined me out front, no doubt relishing the 10 miles of YOLO into the wind between Ormskirk and home later on. We had to back off as we reached the Formby bypass but a quick jink onto the cycle track had us making a beeline for the home of a rather more sedate Sunday pastime, Formby Hall Golf Club.

NOTHING LIKE A BIT OF WEIGHT LOSS BEFORE THE ROAD THAT GOES ON FOREVER

As we passed the garden centre and cattery a few calls came to water the flowers opposite the Sparrowhawk. This was duly done in good time and I even resisted the urge to dig in my pocket for a Beet It bar; I had two with me but neither would get used today, I guess that's what good Saturday night nutrition like pizza and Bombardier Golden Ale does for you on Sunday rides (plus a win for the Leicester Tigers, that's BT Sport 1, X Factor 0). We set off again with another change on the front putting me on row 2, but upon reaching the coast road the motorists must have failed to spot the yellow flash Limar 007 at the head of the field and promptly squeezed through the tiniest gap before oncoming traffic! With these village idiots out of the way we could focus on time trial effort down a road that according to Charlotte goes on forever; I still remember July 2016 when the windup merchants forced the issue down here as a means of testing how worthy everyone was as a rider long before the thoughts of a 100 mile group came to pass. Also, Charlotte, didn't you miss the point about the locked wheel incident, surely the bloke hit your rear tyre and landed on the other side of the road because his vision became blurred from hashtag BEASTMODING? For once the coast road run was pretty uneventful as it turned into a virtual rehearsal of the Southport Triathlon 2018 bike route and we reached the other end at the Plough roundabout as one group. Next up was the batter ram job through Banks but what a job it was as first we lost out big time to a removal van who twice stopped in front of us (what an advert for Ian Hampson's disc brakes, and in other news his mate Ian Lawton won the Mersey Tunnel 10k this morning, well done to him). With a few bits of tyre tread left on the road behind we got going again only to have to stop at the temporary lights before Shore Road. Once onto the back straight we got up a good turn of speed which really demanded the use of the 52x11 gear and helped us clear a good few miles in double quick time. We rounded the right-hander up the short rise and before we knew it we were into Tarleton itself where the headwind hit out and we were happy and we knew it if we weren't on the front. Once at the T-junction a few murmurs came through about having a bite to eat and that in itself would be quite spectacular but for now we turned left towards Bretherton and Hutton Island, also known as the Southport CC 10 mile TT course.

I CRUISE SO I CAN DRINK BOOZE, OR IS THAT JUST A RUSE?

After Honda Civic Man passed us prior to the humpback bridge we got a few more non-Toyota vehicles off our tail before continuing towards Hutton Island via Much Hoole, where we were slowed somewhat by a couple of horses. We took to the other side of the road to overtake them and soon we were passing Booths in Penwortham just as the village fete kicked into a higher gear. We even got a cheer from the locals enjoying themselves of the back of those make-me-merry drinks known as coffee and tea. The sort I get free with a Booths card, but you knew that anyway. With our new chums contemplating a booze cruise to Lancashire's finest supermarket we carried on to the main road once more but we had barely returned to the A59 when we turned right down some new roads that took us to a fairly familiar housing estate we often pass through when riding to Fleetwood for fish and chips or to Knott End when working towards 312 kilometres in Majorca. This in turn led us over the railway line through a mix of headwind roads, which I can cope with fine, and crosswinds, where the others were praying they weren't alongside me lest they get CHINOOK'D into the path of oncoming traffic a la Charlotte's victim from the other week. I got out front alongside today's step-up hero Lawrence Forrest who certainly gave it a good go with the crosswind en route to Croston where we were told "left, right then left". I started panicking at the thought of doing some Roubaix a la John Farrington because I had a gig to get to this afternoon but luckily common sense prevailed and with Ronnie now alongside me we crested the railway bridge after Twin Lakes before turning towards the open road once more for the final dash to Rufford.

SORRY EMMA NOT JOINING SOUTHPORT RUFC, THE LOS ANGELES CHARGERS WANT A NEW KICKER

A few went for it as we hit the A59. Unsurprisingly Charlotte was one of them on her last ride this year aboard the Cervelo S5 which averages two Instagram posts a week, and about 40 hashtags. In the event Paul aboard the white Dolan edged in front before the line but promptly overshot the junction and almost forgot to pull in to the marina for a bite to eat. And what a bite to eat it was. While Charlotte tripled her sugar consumption for the year by choosing the bakewell slide and Emma ordered a teacake I grabbed the last sausage barm to come out of the kitchen, but not before a tremendous struggle regarding the timetable for food service. We'd arrived at approximately 11:45:01am which is the cutoff time for breakfast but the lunch orders don't go in until 12noon. However, the manageress obviously knows me well enough to make an exception so that a) I don't crash a drinks tray in any winds over 10mph and b) I order a cake as well. And what a gem it was, the coffee Renoir gateau. Straight away Paul and Emma were like "how on earth do you do it", the latter presumably trying to compose an email to Southport Rugby Club so they can put me in at number 10 next week. But then the LA Chargers need a new kicker (the current incompetent doing wonders for US/Korean relations) and if I tried to kneel for the Star-Spangled Banner I think I'd be lucky to get off the ground in time for the kickoff (you saw Charlotte's post about squatting to get in the fridge and my response, yes?) Now I've got that rant out the way about two "sides" making an absolute show of America right now (for all involved nothing good can come out of it, surely?) let's talk 2018 plans, as per the hot topic of discussion, with some not able to book a week off work for a LEJOG. I wonder if the Etape du Dales or the Tour d'Anglesey will prove more popular? I'd certainly I've to actually finish a sportive for once. We set off once again with my first two courses consumed and my coffee awaiting me at Booths, as we returned home via Curlew Lane.

We were splintered as we left the car park and regrouped once I'd beasted it JF-style behind a 4x4 but once back with the group the Paul and Paul show went for it down Chinook's Crash Alley and I was relieved to catch them at the end of the road. From here the priority was to keep the bike pointing in the right direction with the three of us having left the others to it. The Burscough industrial estate was a right tough slog into the wind but come the roundabout I could pull in to Booths for a free takeaway coffee, burn off some of the fat consumed half an hour earlier then YOLO down the A59 and home having done a brilliant first winter training ride in ever improving weather. Got to say the position of the Chinook was very comfortable given I haven't ridden it for over six months, maybe Ian is right when he says black and green bikes with disc brakes are the way forward?

Now for the results, in association with my new car, the Toyota Yaris:

Distance: 92.91km
Time: 3:02:46
Average Speed: 30.5kmh
Horses: 3
Hors Cat Climbs: 0
Removal Vans: 1
Disc Brake Powerslides: 2
Money Spent Today: £9.75 for sausage barm, coffee Renoir, ginger beer and a free coffee

REJECT OF THE RIDE: The removal van in Banks
(For having worse balance than me in the wind and forgetting we were behind him)

See you next week for another great ride. With the calendar turned to October I look forward to hearing about the long ride plans - got to get stuck in this winter with no house moving duties to worry about..........