M is for Moy and the Masters in Matchmoor

The pre-Bank Holiday party weekend stepped up a gear after the mammoth UPSET SPECIAL in Widnes yesterday as despite one group doing the Tour de Mon and and the "squad goals" division tackling three countries in one day we still had around 60 riders at the shop for the 9am start. Three groups formed with Matt's A/B ride being so oversubscribed that he needed Ralph to step in and take half of the ever growing A/B division. Truth be told it was a bit of a mish-mash at the top table as we could have done with a few more to even out the numbers on Paul Moy's ride. He would end up with a dozen hardy riders, most of whom have been with the club long enough to be called "masters" plus an extra with a St Helens Tri membership who was trying to stay alive after winning the Parkrun title in Widnes the day before. Paul led his surprisingly small group out of town beginning with a run up Ruff Lane.

DID YOU SEE WHAT JOHN DONE? CAME IN A BLACK CAR LEFT IN A WHITE ONE

I set off on Row 4 next to Mike who's also a dual code rider, except that he has a bit each way with HMCC and Southport CC. We discussed yesterday's non-stop party and also how busy town was after the match, with hen parties and stag do's aplenty. Personally I preferred the little one of the trio we would see out running later round the back of Matchmoor, but more on that in Chapter 58. For now we were rehearsing the West Lancs Triathlon bike route all the way to the A577 where a black Benz swooped round the corner and nearly collected Jonathan Collins and his black Trek with a powerslide; just think if the bizzies had fast getaway cars or any ambulances were in the vicinity he could well have ended up coming in the black Benz and leaving in the white one as per the song. We continued to the Plough and then onwards to the Stormy Corner end of Skelmersdale where Hodgy started discussing another cyclist who plays the piano, and is doing a gig at Chetham's tomorrow night. Will that mean loads of empty seats at the Etihad when Everton come to town? The descent into Newburgh surprisingly spread the group out and for once the turn onto the Beacon actually put everyone back in the same postcode. That was, of course, until the descent on Lees Lane. Me and Hodgy were discussing Salvodelli style descending and the melodic virtues of listening to Chopin when John Hill whizz end past the entire pack looking for somewhere to water the flowers. His burn up was a bit in vain as the group parked up anyway on the run towards the Endurance Store and went in the bushes, while one cherry bakewell vanished from the squirrel snatcher. This left a few grupettos stranded in various places but we were together once more for the assault on the housing estate en route to Wiggo Corner, not that this stopped Steve losing his footing in the pedals as we turned past the pumping station. The battle to get the foot in again was also quite entertaining and you'd think he was using toe clips and straps but upon finding his feet again he was back with us as we reached the M6 where a couple of coaches held us up somewhat. Once over one crossing we were onto the motorway bridge and onto a familiar sequence of roads taking in the warm morning sunshine. We turned left at the Pepper Lane Chippy and went north towards Coppull, where the rolling roads took it out of some people and some proper heaving efforts were needed to reach the right turn as a group. But after rounding a couple of horses it was plain sailing to Rivington, where the fun and games really began.

MAJORITY VOTE OR ONE MAN STICKING A NOSE IN, IT'S JUST LIKE BREXIT ALL OVER AGAIN

As we turned up the hill towards Rivington a few cyclists ahead needed rounding up but cars coming the other way were more of a problem and I think a few of my teammates over-estimated my ability to make myself small (the ladies at the rugby club being more accurate in their assumptions than Paul Williams who thinks I weigh 9 stone, sorry mate they asked me what position do I play). We turned left after the bridge towards Limbrick and the crazy descending began, but I thought we handled everything extremely well until a 4x4 tried to force their way through at the bridge and nearly killed Jonathan Collins. With two vehicles now on the Reject leaderboard for their best efforts to wipe out one of our star climbers we decided the best course of action was to put Powerhouse Pouty from St Helens and THE ARM on the front, and we stayed there until my own wobbly moment on the reservoir bridge when a white car coming down the hill got the shock of its life seeing me bounce all over the place and nearly into its front bonnet. John Hill reached the junction for Belmont first followed by me and it was here that majority rule played a pivotal role as Paul Moy decided we would not risk flying off the road full of loose chippings into the valley below and instead ride to Horwich. The descent was full of my usual shouts of "bumps" "bike down" and "f*** this" but I got to join the Kuota out front for the ride into the town centre and we mused over whether to do Foxholes. He decided against it primarily because it might cause major splits in the ranks but the John and John show upped the pace on the road towards what I thought was the chippy van. Sadly my favourite fuel supplier in this neck of the woods must have gone to see Clean Bandit at the V festival as I had to go without a second breakfast and this set a few bandits including John Hill in motion up Matchmoor, where a couple of excitable dogs had to be pulled out the way but unlike in Widnes yesterday I did have the breath to say "more riders coming through". John stopped at the summit but I didn't fancy racing three wide down the ski slope (I mean descent) so set off solo and parked up for a breather and a bit of Amino Energy plus cherry bakewell while the rest of the ark came in two by two. Some had continued past the chippy van junction and gone round the main road way while others had issues with their bikes but of greater interest were the three ladies including two in matching green vests out on a morning run (none of them got BLUE FLAGGED yesterday though, and I did like the little one). After a long wait and a good gander at a few Liverpool Century riders going past we set off towards Horwich once more as surprisingly Paul Moy didn't think to trust his sense of direction to get us back via Brindle and as such we went pretty much back the way we came, starting with the long descent into Horwich.

YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH HORSE POWER BUT YOU CAN LIVE FOR FERRARI -SEE YOU AT THE MOTORFEST

As we began the descent we got the hammer down and reached speeds of over 35mph until a stunning Ferrari appeared in a gap between the real speedsters and those of us with rather less confidence in our descending. We got to draft our new chum for about half a mile just beating the traffic lights in the process before climbing back to the roundabout. Here, we were rather surprised to be going back past the Barn but with no John Farrington to wind up today no one mentioned stopping for a cake (can someone on the 170 miler verify whether he ate at the stops or not) and instead we turned left before Belmont and towards the reservoir, nearly tripping up twice due to errant motorbikes and an idiot out for a solo ride turning off for a piss stop without wondering if the unstoppable train known as HMCC might be rounding him up. Well there goes his offer of a membership or a free ride back to Ormskirk. For the most prt we retraced our steps from earlier as we turned left at the pub, descended into Adlington where nearly everyone best the yellow lights and then left at the White Horse pub. During this passage of play a couple of burning curiosities came to the fore. First, the lead changed hands between what looked like a committee featuring me, John Hill, John Pout, Paul Moy and Ian Hampson, the latter enjoying by far his best ride of the year. Apparently it's his trips to the United States of Europe and his rides in Wales which have made the difference as opposed to being trained by the chainey squad though doubtless Rick Taylor would have a few different thoughts on that especially with his recent racing successes powered by Pringles and American IPA. Also a sullen horse was at the side of the road on Rawlinson Lane seemingly watering some flowers itself; just as well it didn't turn 180 degrees upon seeing the Limar 007.......... The pace roared up past 25mph prior to the Thyme and Plaice pub where we extracted the last few drops of energy before two more foot soldiers went to the front and Hodgy and Titch turned left for Billinge and Rainford. Next up was the Buy-a-Bike roundabout where right takes you towards the end of season Giant TCR offers that don't come with carbon wheels as standard (I like the Canyon inspired stealth one with Ultegra) but a bit of stealth and guts was needed to handle the next miscue as no one really knew whether to go left down the Heskin Green switchbacks or right past Camelot. I just about avoided going straight into the chevron boards at the roadside and kept the bike pointing forward as we rounded the disused theme park before turning left for Wrightington. It was here that the pace really started to ramp up and by the time we reached the "welcome to Mawdesley" sign only eight riders were left, commendably including the recent improvers and as I pointed out to Ian, we'd had enough of just missing out on what we wanted. In three easy steps (Widnes, Crystal Palace and now today) the 2017 season would be bang back on track in more ways than one. The tyres just about held out over the bumps towards Bispham Green but now I was wondering about who from the Rhian group might be at the cafe.

WOULD YOU LIKE CHIPPINGS WITH THAT? SORRY NO I'M A SPONSORED ATHLETE AND I'M IN IT TO WIN IT

We passed the Eagle and Child and turned left towards the Hoscar Moss but I was in need of a refill so turned right and joined the A/B ride at the cafe. They were tucking into various cakes and a real interesting choice of coffees but I was far too warm for any of that so chose a salmon and prawn wrap with a bottle of Appletise and sat down at the table for 10. Plenty of good discussion was to be had including how Matt split his group and age group qualification for Team GB, something Steve Williams has become a bit of an expert at. Neither he nor Rhian were at the cafe but I'm sure they'd have approved of my attempts to shed some weight ahead of the trip to Nottingham next weekend by not ordering a cake. The group split into two, some going back via the Hoscar moss while six of us returned via Curlew Lane.

On the way back I met Greg who apparently has worked in Widnes for many years but doesn't even know where Victoria Park is. I did point out that it's not a particularly well known Parkrun so a good place to steal a win. The only incident of note on the return journey came as we reached the loose chippings before the railway line because James Wignall somehow managed to get a loose stone lodged between his tyre and brake pad! Having narrowly averted having to purchase a new set of wheels similar to Rhian's new favourites from Mavic (I'd have some myself if I wasn't trying for a good deal on a TCR Advanced Pro) he removed the stone and we continued over the railway line into the Burscough industrial estate where we lost a race with a TVR driver who obviously got the wrong date for the Motorfest. After turning right at Booths we went down Moorfield Lane and spotted the owner of Thatto Cycles out for a lunchtime run; he must have spotted the Limar helmet and recognised him as the one who races a couple of cats past his house most mornings. We went our separate ways at the A59 junction and it was just a few hundred metres from there to home where I could park up and relax after 58 miles. A great way to finish off a winning weekend, and next week promises to be even more fun!

Now for the results, powered by Mr Kipling's Cherry Bakewells:

Distance: 92.8km
Time: 3:11:03
Average Speed: 29.14kmh
Horses: 3
Hors Cat Climbs: 2
Cherry Bakewells: 2
Runners: 3 round the back of Matchmoor
Money Spent Today: £10.40 for salmon/prawn wrap and Appletise

REJECT OF THE RIDE: The 4x4 at the bridge in Limbrick
(Not least because it was the second car who nearly took Jonathan Collins out)

Right then folks, time to leave nothing on the table and throw caution to the wind. Triathlon club relays. Motorfest. Wild Wales. Creamfields. The Belgian Grand Prix. Liverpool v Arsenal. And lots of riding to be done. It's the bank holiday bonanza weekend coming up. Work hard, play hard and keep some paracetamol in the cupboard for the Tuesday morning. See you at the party!