Fab Five Smash Shaley and Tootle to Twin Lakes

It was a Friday with a difference as four of us met at the Bicycle Lounge for 10am with a view to doing a few hills prior to the Huge Hillclimb of Shaley on Sunday. The Fab Foursome were Stephen Graham, Graham Sutch, Maxine Rochelle and yours truly and we would add another to the group on the way out. After a brief discussion about John Farrington's new steed (some of us can only afford cheaper Cervelos but we know a s*** bike when we see one, better to be in an elite cycling family as the mascot than not be there at all). Graham led us out of town with a few spits of rain falling, beginning with the cricket club.

CHINOOK'S THREE MODES: FAST, FASTER AND OUT OF CONTROL

I set off in the worst possible place; right side of Row 1 alongside Stephen as the crosswind cut in from the south. Now I'm sure this ruined everyone else's warmup given how my system gets warped under the strain of having to do a balancing act but Stephen had other ideas; turn left and avoid the wind altogether, or at least for a few seconds when he realised we always go right into the teeth of the wind and continue in the direction of the Ormskirk 10k route. On further review I think Maxine would have been the best navigator for that job. Anyway, we went down Catharine's Lane, a new favourite of mine when doing longer coffee-only runs prior to breakfast with Ranvir and the Brexiteers most weekdays, before turning for Long Lane and Bickerstaffe, which was full of gravel in places. At the T-junction we mercifully turned left and got a free pass to the M58 bridge where Stephen remarked how he was retracing his steps from before; I countered that he must have been testing his balance (and pushing his luck) riding over such an exposed walkway in these conditions. Next up was the first part of the Bickerstaffe 10 course which we followed all the way to the Holdi roundabout as it's now known, indeed I'll be visiting for the first time at the end of October having never been to the previous incarnations. Taxi for Chinook, anyone? We continue through Rainford itself past many of the local landmarks including Higher Lane and the technology college AKA St Helens Triathlon Transition 2, the one I had to be rescued from last year when I crashed during the relay race. The "all offense no defense" methodology which has been afflicting Liverpool for most of the last few years caught me out back then and nearly caught me out again today but Stephen sensibly kept a lid on things as we left the village and rolled round the outside of Crawford towards Kings Moss, via a desolate farm which surely must add about a hundred grand to the value of the property the vendor owns. Shortly after, having arrived a few minutes late, we saw Mark Titchener waiting for us at the junction for Fir Tree Farm, chatting to a couple walking three puppies, how fun they were! We compared equipment choices, with some using winter bikes, others using summer steeds, and one of us pinching the best wheels and putting them on his winter hack AKA the Chinook, and this strategy would pay dividends on the slopes of Shaley Brow.

P IS FOR PEPSI, (KEEP MYSELF) PEPPED AND PUT THEM ALL AWAY

Mark and Stephen set the early pace but I got past just as a few ladies from the local walking club were strolling and I had to waste precious energy on shouting "RIDERS COMING THROUGH" but luckily I'd brought that priceless drink known as Pepsi from KFC last night (sorry I don't know what the Double Down is like, didn't have quite enough appetite) and the constant drip-feed of sugar prior to the climb gave a huge punch (go look up celebrities with low blood sugar and you'll understand the irony of putting American rocket fuel into a bottle with FOCUS on the side) but what better method to "put them all away" then stay as upright as possible and let the Continental GP4000's do the rest? Thank you NRG4, you have a sub-5:30 Shaley rider on your team, and I didn't even need to bring the Supersonics out to play. Even more remarkable was that it was so much more fluid than pedalling the over-dropped Tarmac; maybe I should change summer bikes for 2018? I got a couple of selfies done at the top plus pictures of the surrounding countryside and the rest arrived on cue with Stephen leading home Mark, Graham and the ever-impressive Maxine who must surely figure to take that Kuota up the leaderboard in the quest to qualify for team GB. We descended somewhat gingerly and then rolled into the backside of Billinge before riding towards Bank Top. I thought we might do Crow Lane with the 2015 double kick special in mind but then again there weren't any cars to distract us (read; ruin the race) and as such we simply plummeted down Bank Top reaching speeds of over 40mph, with no Ste Francis to flash his pink phone case or shout YOLO in the act of death wish descending. Next up was Dangerous Corner and as per last time we started off together but that Pepsi really did keep me pepped and will probably give me insomnia (can't believe that song is over 20 years old, talk about a New Brighton go-karts flashback) I parked up at Pesto and once the group was back together we started discussing food, which is always exactly what I want to hear, remember on sportives you should always ride as fast as possible and use as many feed stations as possible. Especially if you're effectively a Mercedes in a field full of Red Bulls (insert chassis/engine jokes here). We were now on the Ironman course but rather than suss out potential 2019 race venues we continued north towards the diving centre, which me and Le Titch completely failed to spot and ended up losing the lead! Instead we rejoined at the back and, after some more mix-ups at the Robin Hood, we set sail for Twin Lakes.

50 YEARS OF BEANZ MEANZ HEINZ, TRUST LE TITCH TO HONOUR WIGAN'S LONGEST RUNNING FACTORY

As we reached Croston Maxine was giving the blokes hell on the front as that triathlon training kicked in. She wasn't stopping and indeed she didn't even know where Twin Lakes was, but the rest of us got to test out chassis stability, or last thereof, by rumbling into the car park and just about managing to stay upright. We lined up and set about working our way through the menu, with brunch food being very much the order of the day; I chose back and sausage barm, others mixed up the bacon/sausage/egg trifecta, but Mark honoured the half-centenary of Heinz Beanz by going for that instant classic, beans on toast. Conversation was varied, from chaingang discipline to all things Colorado (as in why I post about Denver every Sunday #beatthegiants) and tomorrow night's performance of Rhapsody in Blue at Heswall Hall. I was also pleased to see a box of Truestart coffee Hero bars, they've got quite a following and are popping up just about everywhere you go. Calling Matt; time to get Helena in store and let her come on our next midweek ride, that'll sort the showboaters out.........With the clock now past 12:30 and some of us needing to return home for work, we left our good mate at the counter and set sail into the headwind via Mawdesley.

WHAT'S HE DOING? RUSHING TO BUY THE NEW TREND IN SPORTS SUPPLEMENTS METHINKS

As we left the Cafe BMW Man took out the Reject award for the day by burning a few inches of rubber off his front tyres and nearly taking the whole group out! With such a bonkers start to the second half we knew it was going to be tough, and it only got more difficult on the southerly run into the strong headwind through Croston and Mawdesley, where the potholes are just as bad as ever. At the Eagle and Child I spotted an advert for live music Friday 27 October; how about we have the curry at 6pm then get taxis en masse to the best real ale pub in the area? For now we put such thoughts on the back burner and split at Wanes Blades Road. Stephen and Graham continued onwards for more hills while me and Le Titch went to the farm just before the railway line where they have an honesty box for unpasteurised milk at a quid per litre; apparently it's creamier than the stuff you get in Booths, plus it's not been heat treated in the same way so it retains more nutrients, interesting stuff I wonder if JP will try it before the hillclimb? We went our separate ways shortly after as Mark turned off for Burscough and I went down the main road into Ormskirk, parking up at 1:30 having enjoyed a great pre-XC ride with great company and great food on a great route. More midweek rides and I'll happily get that volume up for project Cotswolds!

Now for the results, powered by Heinz Beanz:

Distance: 58.48km
Time: 2:06:34
Average Speed: 27.72kmh
Hors Cat Climbs: 1
Horses: 2
Stupid Drivers: 1
Crashes: 0
Money Spent Today: £6.50 for bacon and sausage barm plus cappuccino

REJECT OF THE RIDE: BMW Man
(Hope your tyres are still in one piece, even Lewis Hamilton doesn't burn rubber like that)

Time to get some shut eye before the big weekend coming up. Good luck on Super Shaley Sunday!