Come Fly With Me (OK wrong Rob there)

The HMCC CX and the St Helens Vegan Outreach fair in Rainford Village Hall decreased the numbers at the shop today as only 15 turned up at 9am. As a result two groups formed, with Ralph's B group heading out to the flatlands while Rob Shirley, who is really getting back into his racing now, took the remaining nine riders out towards Horwich and Belmont. They set off first beginning with Dark Lane.

A SERIOUS SENSE OF DEJA VU METHINKS

I set off on the right side of the third row behind Ian while Rob set a nice, easy 22mph all the way to the Hoscar Moss. During this opening passage of play we were slowed quite a bit by a busy run out of town (at least when I was able to get my foot out of the pedal and not pull out in front of the Mercedes) but the first few miles were pretty much plain sailing, until we saw the signs for the fireworks display last night at the Red Lion Newburgh. Here, a man was standing like a marshal at an Epic Events race which was most puzzling but we weren't about to be put off our stride and we hit the railway road with the speed increasing thanks to the noticeable tailwind. You certainly noticed the wind direction upon reaching Wanes Blades Road AKA the bridge, but that was the only distinction from the Friday ride as me and John Faz had a serious sense of deja vu. At the Eagle and Child we went straight across the road to the back of Cedar Farm which was a bit quieter than I remember it although I can only assume that the bommy night festivities meant a holdup to the Christmas Santa Grotto and face painting season. Speaking of which, the invisible mudguards on some bikes were painting our own faces a slightly dubious colour and as such it was less worrying than usual to assume control of the front, for once not alongside John Faz. Instead it was me and Ian doing the pace setting through Wrightington and past the church where the Ironman used to go past. Eventually we returned to the Friday route at the crossroads for the restaurant which has had around one name change every 6 months in recent times then it was greasy grid time through Heskin Green. Cue the "this is a little ring job" comments and me rebuking with "what's one of those" which probably explains why we stayed out front all the way to the left turn for Coppull as per two days ago. John Faz took over with his pain face but we soon came very close to pain of a different kind on a notorious road to the Thyme and Plaice.

MAJOR ROADWORKS HERE, STRAIGHTENING OF ROUTE, EXPECTED COMPLETION AUGUST 2043

It's always beaten me as to why motorists always bomb it from the Thyme and Plaice to the A49 and today was no exception as the obligatory little Mercedes came tearing round the S-Bend before the junction and nearly took the roofer with massive powerhouse shoulders out! Cue the usual four letter words. With the expletives sinking on we turned left towards Chorley but eventually going right round the hairpin for the road towards Adlington. It was a quick foot-down at the dangerous crossroads but we were instantly back into it and did exactly the same as Friday: go through Adlington, straight on at the junction and head for Horwich. During this passage of play I got a good chat with Ben who's only just moved round the corner from me meaning I now simply HAVE to do every single run at sub 6:15 pace just to get approval. However he was very interested in the vegan fair, though not quite as much as I wanted to hear about his Thatto race team. He's also got a Giant Trinity in burnt red for next year's TT season! I'm sure Matt would be delighted to put some ZIPPS in the dropouts of your new steed Ben. Especially with the Trinity's ability to take tractor tyres. I wondered if we might wind Pain Face up more by turning left past the Barn but instead we carried on through Horwich and towards Foxholes, via a hold-up at the worst possible place (town centre at the dip in the road). I started making drum roll noises at the prospect of a trip up Foxholes but no-one was up for it today preferring instead to take the main road option all the way to the pub on the corner. A couple of motorists passed very closely here especially a silver Micra, but we also lapped Orange Jacket Man and he must have got the shock of his life upon tailgating us when we swung into the footpath just after the junction to water some flowers. In the end we got going again and we got some good fast cornering experience through the roads to the bottom of Winter Hill, which we chose to avoid in favour of a trip up Matchmoor. This, of course, being the open top hill where there's nothing around for miles, so I got chatting to Ben about the BTF course last weekend and how I want to target potential GB and half to full Ironman entrants. He didn't quite sign up for a course of his own, but you're never really ready to start on anything that scares you. Speaking of which, John Pout thought we were going straight on after Belmont and the strangely titled San Marino pub (owned by the computer man who scored against England 25 years ago this month, no doubt) but he was going to get the real treat of a short cut home: Belmont!

PIANO BAR COMING UP, USE YOUR FAVOURED DRUG HERE

That sentence above would be most apt for before the climb. As it was Stephen Nelson and John Hill overcame Rob Shirley to take the honours at the top with Ian going around me for 4th and a sizeable gap back to the remaining riders. However, after passing two day trippers on the descent it was the park up at the foot of the hill that made for the most interesting bit as some waxed lyrical about amino acid drinks and cod liver oil while Stephen Nelson forgot about his day job with oxygen cylinders (yes you spotted the irony) and quizzed me on the granola squares I was tucking into. Truth be told I've struggled a lot recently apart from in short races and the talk I went to at the fair today was very informative as to why I've lost so much weight and why it's cost me power. Some FB comments about my image transformation figures haven't been too positive so let me get this one out there: anyone who can perform so well while losing whole stones of weight is, as John Faz would say, an all round f***ing legend. In fact I'll even have a Bud Light with a big plate tea after writing this report, just for you. We got held up on the way over the reservoir road by a motorbike who brilliantly managed to split the group and it was a relief to get to the Limbrick turnoff in one piece. That would give way to a scary segment through the woods to Chorley. 

TALK ABOUT BEING LIONIZED, BUT LEAVE THE BODY ARMOUR AT HOME

We were now steadily descending towards Limbrick and Chorley when we spotted a bloke on his Focus bike in shorts. I remarked to Pain Face that he must be one of those silly people called runners who complete races dressed like they've just stepped out of a club in Ayia Napa but I think my MTB shoulder pads might have given me more confidence as we rounded the double S-Bend before the bridge as another Mercedes came perilously close to clipping the handlebars of one or two riders which of course would have sent the whole team to the deck. We exhaled more than the participants at Gemma Merna's yoga classes in Aintree (Kevin Murphy do you or Amy know her) and ascended the climb to the outskirts of Chorley but rather than go to Whittle-le-Woods as per Friday we turned towards the retail park and the town centre. During this passage we were interrupted by the day's longest car horn courtesy of Fiat Punto Man. At least we know where to look for the red Italian next time (and no it wasn't Kimi Raikkonen). We were soon out onto the open road where we were going to go for it a bit on pace but it was noticeable that the typical speed of the club run was around 20mph. As soon as Stephen Nelson joined me on the front though, the usual happened: 20 became 24 on the front and once again I was left to curse the fact that everyone turns into a beast just when I'm in the lead. This lasted all the way through to a very busy section in Ulnes Walton and the catch of a few Merc riders in Croston.

C IS FOR CROSTON, CHIP BARMCAKE AND COUNT ME OUT

After I booted myself off the front for a pathetic 25mph, Ben took over and led us to the back of the aforementioned Merc train. We decided to go whichever way they didn't so that meant over the moss to Rufford. Here, some people in rows 3 and 4 surged past and I had no answer. In fact I'll go as far as to say that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me on a club ride (apart from crashing) and I was left to swap places with Pain Face all the way to Rufford. He turned off to get himself another 195 miles in but despite considering a straight dart home punching the handlebars in anger, I eventually acquiesced to rejoining the leaders at the marina. Stephen Nelson was happy to indulge in a massive carrot cake and others went for the Charlotte Newton options like granola squares but I still hadn't seen Ellen at the vegan fair so being uneducated I shovelled down a chip barmcake and San Pellegrino. Well I should have rehydrated but just to confirm it was not my day, a fly won the Reject award by landing in my glass! That's the last time I ask for a glass to drink it out of. It became apparent as to why everyone was so #DRIVEN because John and Ben want to join Rob Shirley at Litherland next year! I think they'll make a great team. Ralph's group left shortly before us and while Stephen went home via Curlew Lane the rest of us set sail for the finish line in Ormskirk.

THE TALE OF THE NEVER ENDING CLUB RUN, JUST AS WELL THEY HAVEN'T FOUND MY HOUSE YET

We set off over the railway line with somewhat diminished numbers in the battalion and the chip barmcake hadn't done anything for me so I was trying to get home in one piece. As such I thought about two strategies when taking over, ever so briefly, for Rob Shirley on the front. Ride harder and get more angry but at least get home sooner or continue at normal pace which means I'll probably turn off for Booths? I went for the first option which only finished off my reserves of resolve, and upon rejoining Ben at the back it turned out that he was virtually going back to my front door. Now I wasn't even getting a cool down and but for the vegan fair I'd probably have been expected to go for a 10 mile run in hashtag beastmode. In the end, after much grovelling, I nudged into third place (more than was deserved) at the 20 sign with Rob Shirley deservedly taking the honours. A bit of light relief was around the corner as a family cheered us on out of a people carrier; as Ben remarked that was a change from getting a barrage of abuse. The next car was more troublesome as we reached the cricket club and it was pure chance that we didn't go doing A CHINOOK on their rear bumper. Rob and Ian headed east for Bickerstaffe at Catharines Lane leaving Ben to push me one final time all the way to Town Green station. Mercifully he continued straight on after the co-op while I turned into my road absolutely fed up having completed just short of 60 miles from home, before going to the Rainford vegan fair as part 1 of a review and inquest as to how is everyone else suddenly riding at 28mph so easily? Well at least I enjoyed the casserole...........

Now for the results, brought to you by the Rainford Vegan Fair: Distance: 94.01km Time: 3:08:54 Average Speed: 29.86kmh Horses: 2 in Limbrick Hors Cat Climbs: 1 Stupid Drivers: 2 Irritating Insects: 1 Café Stop Nutrition: 5/10 (10 for calories and 0 for macros. And don't get me started on the fly) REJECT OF THE RIDE: The fly (No Paul Dunbar, I wasn't going for the protein option, didn't you search for the 127 vegan references?)

It'll have to be an early one next week, because Liverpool play Fulham at noon. Is it too late in the year to suggest an 8am start?