The Coach Charlotte and Chinook Show - Angry Wasps Edition

With Matt taking most of the Race and A group out early doors into the middle of nowhere, there were around 40 people at the shop for the remaining rides at 9am. As such three groups formed, with a mix of A and B riders in Claire's group, a C group forming on the heels of Craig Disley, and the General's inaugaral D group to include Spitfire and a quiz at the cafe. Claire led her group out first, beginning with the cricket club.

HAAAAAAAAAAA YOU DIDN'T WIN THE RACE!

It was certainly a day for that sentence, and quite the location too. John Faz doing the Ride 100 London, our own ride passing the venue for Dave Atkinson's HMRC (Harry Middleton Running Club) entry for the Ormskirk 10k, and indeed what would happen a few miles later. For now I slotted in halfway down the field as it quickly became apparent that the group had around 20 takers. As such we made our way to the Dog and Gun before taking in part of the Aughton chainey circuit; I was certainly thinking "if ony I'd known this was the route I could have had an extra 30 in bed" which would have been quite the tonic after a week of barely being able to stay awake post-Snowman. After a couple of miles on the speedway we turned right down a tight lane before returning to Aughton at the MIller and Carter. By this point we were contemplating how to get to the first proper climb of the day, and as such we turned right after the nursing home and went past the Stanley Arms before crossing the carriageway (and in one person's case the grass) onto the road past West Tower. Quite a tour of posh eateries this was, until Ralph Critchley briefly stopped us at the left turn onto Formby Lane. It was the High on Bikes Clieves Hill Road Race, and this would prove quite a hazard a mile later. For now it was our turn to attack Clieves Hills Lane, and I couldn't help but wonder why I'd buried myself so deep in the field as it's not the sort of climb you can quickly make up places on. Sure enough, although I did a much better recovery than Valtteri Bottas managed later on at the Hungarian Grand Prix, Charlotte saw an opportunity and raced away from Megan to take the summit, so now we'll never hear the last of it I thought. More to the point, it was symptomatic of the usual mentality where everyone expects the world of you even if you've just done the hardest race in the UK. And no John Faz, that's not the Ride 100, and by theway I can't even find you in the results? Anyway we turned right back towards Aughton, onnly for the racers to come barrelling through the other way and nearly have a head-on! So we were mighty relieved to get onto Small Lane, another of my favourite "sprint until you die" running routes that Tony Harvey will no doubt be using in his quest to crush the blue shites at the Ormskirk 10k. Or as they would say, it's all of us vs Liverpool. Back onto more familiar ground, we took the back route up Scarth Hill Lane (another road I've run down many times but don't know the name of it) and crossed the A570 for Westhead, and the West Lancs Triathlon bike route. It wasn't long before we were dodging the world's biggest lorry onto the chainey course, passing the Plough as we did so, before reaching the Hoscar Moss with more than a few cars blocking various parts of the group. That's why it's always good to ride at the front, but also why Claire was leading the ride so well instead of thinking "they're blocked KILL THEM NOW". The route to Hilldale was fairly uneventful as we turned right at the end of Wanes Blades Road before passing the Farmer's Arms just as two runners came the other way (we will NOT be hearing about any runners again, oh no) and then it was time for Chinook's Revenge on Hunter's Hill.

NO NEED FOR ME TO SING AT THE ST HELENS TRI AWARDS, JUST SEND ON CHINOOK THE RAPPER

In all the time I've been at HMCC, no matter which group I was in, I've never taken the summit first at Hunter's. Indeed, most times I've won a climb it's because I've put the hammer down early and run away with it, and this strategy worked wonders once again in terms of getting away from THE NAILS before the steepest part, where I kept the speed around the 8mph mark before cresting the climb at the quarry. I did wonder if anyone with 90mm deep wheels would make up all the time in the world on the descent, but not today, as I finally broke my Hunter's duck and got to the pub first! Some recompense, surely, for August 2015 when we had one nice day of sunny weather all year and Steve Depport decided to capitalise on my state of mind by sending us up that climb multiple times in SMHBYWI and YOLO mode. Charlotte was next up the climb obviously fuelled by triple gym sessions and vegan protein shakes every day just like me, and Megan also got herself a PB on Hunter's to round off a very satisfying second climb of the day. We continued to Dangerous Corner and weaved through a lot of traffic before taking in the descent past the old Endurance Store and the train station onto Lees Lane, where a few choice comments came up that their bikes had been covered in water. Oh what if Danny Shearer had been there! But one guy who wasn't being a diva was Abed, who's entered Ironman Italy next month. While our courses get tougher and tougher (send them up the Rake next year why don't you) apparently Milan is pan flat. Kiri, Pirelli, Castelli, Birra Moretti.........yes I can see a Chinook rap record reaching the top of the Big Top 40 as an official IMItalia anthem. He would be star of the show, at least initially, on the Beacon, but He Who Is Going To The Saints Awards Night pulled away before the church, and used his experience of the week before in Wales to take the summit and do a lap around the Prince William car park before Charlotte's hashtag MUSCLEGAINZ stole second from our new star. Also climbing well was Lawrence, whose son has his piano lesson with me every Tuesday. With the group now reformed the target was to go towards Bank Top, but not actually descend it, and then add in one more climb, Crow Lane.

NO POWER, NO CONTROL, NO WORRIES

We set off down the Beacon past the golf course and then turned right at the roundabout for Bank Top. However, just before the turn-off for Crow Lane an idiot BMW driver fired his way through a tiny gap nearly taking out our front wheels! With the Reject award well and truly wrapped up and me shouting "what the F*** are you DOING" there was plenty of red blood firing us up Crow Lane. I made the move before we passed the play area on the left, but it was noticeable that the hillclimb control wasn't very smooth, indeed a sign that when you're tired, technique tends to break down. So I started injecting bits of pace out of the saddle, but the power wasn't all there and as such it was quite a spectactle seeing me struggle to maintain a rhythm due to simply not being in full control of the situation. As it was I managed to seal the hat-trick, but it was so heartening to see our good mate Abed outduel the others while I was chatting to Fuji Man about how his ride was going. He's not in the club and he'd been passed by me approximately 78 metres from the lay-by at the top, but even as a big guy he's probably pumping out far more watts than me. The peloton reformed and we dived down the Beacon all the way to the roundabout where I showed off how useless I am on technical descents, before returning to somewhere near the front as we made our way through Parbold and up the Common. Of course, some saw an opportunity to show off their peak power and vaulted past before the junction, but we were all together once again as we headed for the cafe.

NOT EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK OF AS A STING OPERATION

We set off back to Hilldale before turning left at the first opportunity. Here, we went past Brian's house and then down the descent onto Rufford Road, where the pace went up a bit but any attempts to go nine-wide for a "sprint or die trying" effort were snuffed out by a lorry coming the other way; perhaps some wanted the sprint neutralised once they realised they were going to get dropped. In any case we arrived at the cafe at 11:46am,which is the worst possible time to arrive as you can't have breakfast or lunch food. So the only option was to choose a drink and a cake, but even this nearly came to nothing; there aren't many vegan options and even those who chose egg or dairy cakes got attacked by wasps, making it quite a fraught cafe stop where more attention was given to finding out the Ride 100 times, which even at the of writing are a bit sketchy. As such we were only too happy to get moving again and return home for the target time of 1:30pm.

IF IN DOUBT, DON'T SPEND MONEY, JUST BLAG IT, THAT'S A WRAP

Some went right for the Hoscar Moss but most decided on the Curlew Lane option. We got a bit spread out early on due to some strategically placed Sunday drivers, but even so it was great to enjoy a ride back from the cafe without people using every opportunity to kill off those who got stuck in traffic. This was particularly apparent once I got my only turn out front after High on Bikes, where the last two miles took us past the Kicker and, but for everyone having, let's say other things on their minds, would probably have been the choice of cafe stop, at least for me. In any case we crossed the A59 into Ormskirk around 12:45pm, but I had one last option up my sleeve; the Subway app! That's right, the offer only ran until close of play yesterday but I was able to blag myself a free vegan wrap and what a doozy it was; so filling and full of goodness including salad and vegan guacamole. The girl serving me said "let me know what it's like" and the two people behind me also chose vegan options, very encouraging after yesterday's run-in with the biggest meathead in all of St Helens at the dolphin protest. I devoured the wrap while writing the ride summary for the club FB page and set off through the town centre and up the hill, parking up at home having covered just over 45 miles, or a little more than I did last week on the Snowman. Many thanks to Claire for putting together such a great ride, and maybe that plus a 5 mile run a few times during the winter will be the key to grabbing a prize at the Yorkshireman Half next June!

Now for the results, brought to you by the St Helens Vegan Outreach Group:

Distance: 75.01km

Time: 2:47:48

Average Speed: 26.82kmh

Hors Cat Climbs: 4

Wasps: at least 30

Road Racers: 2, Megan in our group plus Luke in the High on Bikes race

BMW Drivers: 1

Cost of Food: 50p for two cereal bars, £3.90 in the cafe and f*** all in Subway

REJECT OF THE RIDE: BMW Man

(For the biggest near-miss of the season so far - and I don't mean our own at the road race or the wasp attack)

Hope next week's ride is a special one, it's certainly a huge one for me as I take part in the Stockport Tri Club Open Water Triathlon at Manley Mere on the one-year anniversary of Rick Taylor's passing in the Pyrenees. Any Ormskirk 10k runners up for an Edge Hill track session hosted by Coach Chinook on Friday, 6:30-7:45 followed by a commemorative pint of Strongbow in the Old Post Office while the Liverpool game is on?