C is for Chinook's Collective Curtain Call - Class of 2017 Edition

The final ride of 2017 only got around 20 takers with some prioritising mileage over speed in their quest to get the Festive 500 badge. As such two groups formed, with Ralph leading the B group on a tournofnthe local lanes while Steve Depport headed up a seven strong A team to ride to Leyland. Steve's group set off last, beginning with the ride past Cobble towards Chateau Chinook, now into its second year.

EVERYONE'S BEST FRIEND - THE ONE WHO CAN GIVE THE RUNAWAY LEADER A RUN FOR HIS MONEY (PASS THE MEDICATION)

It's fair to say there are a lot of sports leagues around at the moment where the competition is basically over at halfway, the most glaring being the Premier League (Manchester City's scoreless draw today notwithstanding). Today our runaway man on the Cannondale Synapse was buried on row 3 while Steve and John led the group past the sports team who want to sign me up (Ormskirk RUFC of course, they so want to sign a quarterback) as we dealt with a rough road surface and I started talking to the Murph about his upcoming wedding and possible trip to Chicago. Obviously he likes his booms so much that he's become a baseball fan, it's not as if any of the other Windy City sports teams are doing well right now. He's also mightily relieved that I'll be at a party on Friday when the John Lynch boom machine is set up (no alcohol for me when I'm effectively disabled) but from the off today it was apparent that the addition of B vitamins and magnesium tablets had me feeling just right a lot earlier than normal, and indeed all I need is these improvements to hold out while I'm training to hold a candle to the Green Machine. He still wasn't up front as we turned past the Kicking Donkey (might have to sit that social out if I'm racing the next day in Blackpool, oh and the food "banned list" is so long I have to carry it round in a briefcase). We passed the Martin Inn and then rode past the home of 500 noisy dogs which has been quiet of late, before turning across the railway line and seemingly in the direction of Curlew Lane. Thankfully the "scheme to beat Chinook" tacticians weren't out today so it was Holmeswood via the Homestead Barn followed by the main road to Rufford.

Here, the leaders handed over to me..........and Manchester City (ok you know who I'm on about) but straight away shouts of "is this your definition of steady" began from the back. I didn't recognise Kev Murphy's voice so it must be one of the less naturals but strangely Stephen wasn't killing me from the off like he usually does. Looks like Rebecca Smith and her wide range of training paces might have had the answer all along? Anyway we caught a fairly familiar looking group known as the John Farrington team (B group) and after a bit of procrastination, we passed them prior to the Croston bridge. After that it was yet another bridge while a couple of Southport CC riders came the other way and then off to Bretherton and the wilds of Lancashire. This is always Stephen's favourite stretch on the road home especially when riding alongside Colin Clark who was also with us today on one of his two alloy bikes (those Cannondale straight top tube bikes really do look swish) but for now he was further back as the tailwind assisted charge continued. We eventually arrived at Moss Side with little of note having happened, and with the clock now showing 10:15 it was time for me to turn off and meet my St Helens Tri teammates at the marina.

C IS FOR CROSTON, CAROLINE, CENTURY AND CRUNCHY CAKES

I retreated back to Croston pretty much the way I headed out only to get held up as I dallied a bit before chasing down a Southport group and then four horses blocked the road prior to Flag Lane. Here, I took advantage of the safety car situation to get on the tail of the SCC riders then vault past, as I did round the outside of some random bloke on a Kinesis with disc brakes at the T-junction. After Croston and the Rufford moss it was straight down the A59, arriving at the marina for 10:45. It wasn't long before Phil Harvey from Formby Cycles arrived having ridden from home on no breakfast, and shortly afterwards St Helens Tri and the Liverpool Century turned up within minutes of each other, the latter including Caroline, an expert on dietary needs. Between us we nabbed all the gluten free cakes on offer (crunchy caramel nut and crunchy millionaires shortbread) and she was full of good advice about the function of vitamin B12 and what happens when you try to train on low levels of nutrients. Don't ask me how that Kev Murphy bloke does it when he's sneaking vodka into glasses of "water"..........Eventually St Helens took over two tables and Terry Bates was encouraged to hear of my Penny Lane Striders plans as well as my drive towards the half ironman and becoming a coach (both the Leicester Tigers and the Denver Broncos need my business card, I know, but sadly I look too small for either job). Helen Broderick had been the designated ride leader and was keen to carry on in that vein for the return home, indeed she's the one who wants me to do an Alan/Rebecca and rein myself in as opposed to "every day MUST be a beast day". We had one last catch up with both the Century and the HMCC B groupers who'd arrived in the interim and as such we set sail for home the Saints way, beginning with a quick trip down the A59.

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS, CAUSE TROUBLE AND INFLUENCE THE BIZZIES - JUST PUT CHINOOK IN THE GROUP

We turned left at the first opportunity for" historic Lathom" which led us down a bit of a cyclocross trail featuring road ridges and muddy puddles aplenty; how I was relieved not to be on a Propel here, unlike a fellow member of Scuderia Limar, but more on him later. For now, Helen was drawing on her Ironman strength and pulling away from just about everyone. It took a real muscle effort of "use the 52x11 after the bridge" to catch up only for us to then tackle the cobbled bridge just off the Hoscar Moss. This brought us out at the Newburgh tea rooms just as Helen and Myka discussed Ed Sheeran gigs and a pink-flash (Lampre) Merida Scultura came the other way. We turned out of Newburgh and back towards the petrol station with me and Helen still out front, but there was a bit of a Liverpool Harriers high jump trial as a couple of people vaulted a wall for a piss stop! A Hoylake lorry stared at us as if to say "what the f*** are they doing" and the team reformed on the right side of the wall just as a bizzie car came past, how's that for good timing............We set off again for the Bickerstaffe station end of the Rainford 10 course, namely the motorway bridge. This is where it all kicked off; the top four (me, Che, Azzam and Helen) got segmented by a Rolls-Royce and a motorbike, and just as we reformed under the bridge en route to St Helens, the place we love (hope you got the Red Hot Chili Peppers reference I know Jonny Collins will have) the Century riders we saw at the cafe were parked up on the grass verge as two of them had come together and one needed a trip to the drop in centre as they'd taken a hit to the head; how I didn't like the sound of that after my diagnosis of a crippled vestibular system on Friday. We stayed with them for a bit before heading off but Che was in top gear on the restart (on the aforementioned Propel) and even took to the grass at one point so as not to land on top of Helen, who was flying today, what an improvement in just over 18 months (the one where we went to the Cat and Fiddle on Roman Road day). Terry Bates turned left just after the Junny turn-off and the rest of us continued to Windle Island where we got together for a group photo. After going our separate ways and wishing each other the best for the new year I gently kicked through the gears and pedalled at a nice, steady 20mph average to the scene of the Century accident where a select few were still waiting a pick up for the most damaged bike. This arrived shortly after I stopped there to check on their progress and thereafter it was back onto the TT course, dropping to 18mph at times as my lack of fitness told. However, the final few miles provided me with a bit of extra impetus to get into YOLO mode and the gradual descent past Edge Hill got me past 25mph as a few spits of rain filled the air, so naturally I fought my way through a set of traffic packed tighter than the Exeter Chiefs' scrum to get home before getting properly drenched parking the bike in the garage having completed 52 miles with a perfect last few YOLO miles to round the year off.

Now for the results, brought to you by the Junction Pub, Rainford:

Distance: 83.36km
Time: 2:57:30
Average Speed: 28.66kmh
Horses: 4
Hors Cat Bridges Avec Mud: 2
Crashes: 1 for the Century
Team Chinook members recruited: 1, Caroline the dietitian
Post Ride Nutrition: A reduced to 55p falafel and humous salad from Booths

REJECT OF THE RIDE: The M58 underpass
(Rolls-Royce and motorbike split our group and the Century didn't get out of there in one piece)

Time for me to sign off for 2017. Have a great party tonight and have a drink for me while I try to get my balance system back, here's to a great 2018!