Boxing Day Bimble X - the Return of Lord Lucan

The Boxing Day drizzle and strong winds did little to reduce the numbers for the 10th annual festive ride, and indeed the second club meeting in three days, after the Kardashians incident on Christmas Eve. Andrew Disley went to the mast presumably in the hope of meeting Rick Taylor but the rest of us formed a 30-strong group featuring the legendary JP to pedal at a nice easy pace around the lanes before returning to the Green Rooms for Estrella and espresso. Matt and the Murph led us out of town, beginning with Dark Lane.

M IS FOR MAWDESLEY, MURPHY AND MADMAN IN A MINI

Having just finished a discussion with Maxine about the ITU World Championship weekend in Leeds next June, I set off on the left side of the formation next to David Rodgers who was really looking forward to his team playing at Burnley this afternoon. We also got talking about the difference between good coaching and bad coaching and how the PC brigade sometimes let their own thoughts get in the way of the truth (sack the Broncos coach and bring back Josh Mcdaniels I say, not a PC statement I know but I'm just stating the obvious). We were also losing finger temperature which reminded me of last winter when Garry Lyon said he couldn't feel the brakes, but it's good to hear he's back on the turbo. Hope to see you out soon Garry. We reached the Hoscar Moss and dawdled over the train tracks/potential minefields at record slow pace, but probably for the best given how greasy it was today. Next up was the Eagle and Child and I was getting quite jittery at the sight of so many deep puddles/potential potholes and sharp stones all over the road, let's just say this is where my ability to pick up everything around me turns into a negative rather than a positive. We were mighty relieved to get to the cleaner environs of Mawdesley where our turn of speed had us flying towards the Robin Hood because one comeback ride is all Kev Murphy needs to get back the strength of old, and he was still out front when we reached the end of Tincklers Lane for Eccleston. Here, we went left at the junction then towards the humpback bridge for yet another sequence of nasty puddles towards Midge Hall, but here the Boxing Day Reject award was to be handed out, as Red Mini Driver blasted the whole group in filthy puddle water and gave us a load of abuse! Obviously no such thing as the season of goodwill then. So we waved Mr Numpty on his not so merry way and then turned left at the petrol station where the headwind hit out. I'm surprised Matt didn't lose an unsustainable amount of watts here with tinsel blowing in his face but maybe the balaclava made up the lost energy. Croston didn't really shuffle the pack either today as none of the last minute big hitters like DNA or Stephen were anywhere near the front but as we reached the Rufford Moss a little guy on a Kinesis Racelight vaulted past everyone to pass a message to Matt as to where the backmarkers were. As such a common order of sorts was always going to reassertion itself, and so it did as we hit the A59 for Rufford itself.

THEY'LL NEVER BEAT TEAM KITTY IN AN IRONMAN WITHOUT PROPER FOCUS OR ANY E-NUMBERS

After a few cars forced their way through the now-splintered pack, we reached the usual sprint point then turned right and left for Curlew Lane. Every time we ride this road, two things are guaranteed. First, I'll have flashbacks to the accident that put me out of the Cipollini market and had me wanting to buy the same bike as Rebecca (got any 100mm stems for the one in the shop Matt?) Secondly, there'll always be a huge crosswind. I was trying to discuss half ironman plans with my fellow Cat Cafe visitor while steering the front wheel in a straight line but luckily no-one was up for doing a Luke today and take 30 places at once so my balance just about held out, even though it's been one tough party season. We also got into a good discussion about electric gears and how many long runs I'll have to do in beastmode like I did for Leicester in 2016, but one thing is for sure; the best way to de-stress is to stroke a kitten. Especially when the state of the road prior to the Martin Inn is the worst it's ever been and a pothole appears right on the racing line. Amazingly no-one ended up in the crater and we headed for High on Bikes passing a few steady runners coming the other way who obviously don't know what a fast bike with a three-digit E-number is; maybe a bit of Focus wouldn't go amiss either. Once we'd reached Smithy Lane it was a reprise of the final few miles from the St Helens Tri Christmas breakfast ride as the rain started coming down harder than ever and we really just wanted to get the circulation back in our fingers. So we got as low as we possibly could to beat the wind, somehow stayed upright despite the wrecked road surface and my head going in all directions, and reached Burscough Street as one group. Here, some carried on for more Festive 500 miles, most went to the Green Rooms and I did the fastest bath/kit change ever before running back to our favourite non-footie non-Grand Prix boozer to get a good discussion about 312 plans, my diva tendencies, JP's sub-25 Parkrun at Crocky Hall (he'll be joining St Helens Tri next) and Brian's Cervelo vs Canyon conundrum. Both fine brands indeed but I so like the S3 in JPS Lotus colours on the shop floor right now, if only it had mechanical gears like the red one (as in the size 54 I can't be trusted with because I'd crash walking it down the stairs). We also enjoyed pints of Estrella and 312 plus various coffees, I must say the hot drinks in there are the best I actually pay for. Come 1pm it was time to head for home and get some food in the tank but what a great Boxing Day ride, and now it's off to the 22 for the match!

Now for the results, in association with Brian's choice, the Cervelo S3:

Distance: 40.1km
Time: 1:37:46
Average Speed: 24.61kmh
Tour Guides: 1 (thanks for the info about Leeds Maxine)
Cat Lovers: 2
Mini Drivers: 1
Best Fancy Dress: Matt for the tinsel which must have slowed him down by at least 10 watts
Post Ride Hydration: Pint of Estrella and a cappuccino  in the Green Rooms followed by a few more later while the match is on

REJECT OF THE RIDE: Madman in a Mini
(So that's why GoPros are becoming so popular)

Hope to see you all on Sunday for the final ride of 2017. For now, I'll sign off and get the boom machine up and running................