BOOM TIMES TWO Friday Ride Edition

Today's midweek/who goes to work nowadays ride had 10 takers at the shop with a mix of Race, A, B and simply all round legends who aren't in France at the moment. First of all I survived the trip to Edge Hill and back to round up the troops at the swim session, and even made it back without crashing. That would be the first surprise in a day full of them, some good, some anything but. Matt and Kevin Legend Murphy led us out of town, beginning with a dash through one of my old run routes.

NOTHING LIKE A COACH AND A POLICEMAN TO KEEP STANDARDS HIGH

I slotted in on Row 2 next to the returning Dave Atkinson who has has plenty of home study to do recently. Far more than me putting things together for a presentation next Sunday in Coventry, indeed. We firstly weaved through the mini business park round the back of the train station and continued with a good, speedy opening past the Kicking Donkey. The road surface here is in a dreadful state and it was something of a surprise that this road hasn't had any treatment since the days I used to run round in a desperate attempt to get my average speed quicker than 6 minutes per mile, no chance of that nowadays in Aughton, that'll have to wait until the Trafford 10k next March. During our ride past High on Bikes and towards Churchtown I got a good discussion with Dave about standards at different sports venues and how to dismiss my motives as an elitist mind is really not to give my own clubs enough credit for what they do; I still remember when HMCC only had 40 members and when the St. Helens Tri precursor Ashurst BC nearly closed down with even fewer on their roll. We continued across to Heatons Bridge Road and then into the wilds of the Winter Wander route while some surmised about John Faz a few weeks back when apparently he was thinking STOP AT NOTHING TO KILL ALL or, as he told Stephen Graham, shut and try harder. I don't think the bizzie car coming the other way would approve somehow, though at least we knew who was covering Dave's shift. We nearly turned right at the T-junction but were told there was a dead end so shifted left towards Crossens just as a couple of Friday/Sunday drivers forgot they had indicators. Oh dear. Kevin Murphy got suitably irate about it all and as such it was a relief to take e route past the botanical gardens, only a mile from the Plough. By now I knew it wasn't going to be long before I was on the front but at least today half the speed merchants were in Malaysia and one was riding up cols in the United States of Europe. Eventually we crossed the roundabout into Banks where a couple of people needed a piss stop right next to a field full of geese and chickens. Having suitably offended me about even mentioning KFC, I took a picture of our lovable friends also known as animals, before being ordered to get going rather than do publicity for the Garswood cruelty free Christmas Fair where you might even see me serving Arbonne in a recyclable cup (don't worry Kev I'll smuggle a bottle of contraband vodka in). Me and Ronny assumed the lead with me marvelling at his Cervelo and wondering if I could flog the Tarmac and buy the R2 in Matt's shop before David Rodgers snaps it up. We turned left, avoided a kitten, then left, then.........

THIS HAD TO HAPPEN - YOU PUT CHINOOK AND MURPHY ON THE SAME RIDE AND..........

On Tuesday I was desperate to beat the 34kmh target speed for a 41km loop so I jacked the tyres up to 110 front, 105 rear. This bought me free speed but my routes tend to be on smooth roads fighting large vehicles. No good, in other words, for taking left hand bends across Tarleton moss. You can guess what happened next; my front tyre gave up and sent me to the floor, and Kevin Murphy too! I'm sure you've all been waiting for this BOOM TIMES TWO moment but I was lucky that I scraped rather than landed in this incident and Kev seemed to be OK having offered a similarly metallic frame to land on. One rider even went into the ditch in avoidance, though I've no idea how that happened given he was way back and on the opposite side. Eventually, after some choice comments about who offered a softer landing zone, we got going again only for two parts to fail; my seatpost had turned around 90 degrees leaving me scrambling to reset the saddle, and Kev's mudguard was giving him grief. Both problems were finally sorted but my front wheel did feel more than a bit strange and I could do with dropping it in to Matt to have a look. But we weren't in the clear yet, because upon reaching Tarleton for real my pump fell off and I had to chuck the b*****d in my pocket to stop it causing any more accidents. We finally got a good turn of speed up on the A59 to Bretherton where me and DNA reached speeds of 22mph, before turning towards the wind and Croston train station. It would have been so easy to park up for beanz on toast but we had other things on our mind, namely a change of leaders and the route to Euxton which had now replaced Rivington as our target. So we headed east on the main road towards the first of the many retail parks, but the next bit of grief was just around the corner.

IS TWO AND A HALF LANES NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?

We were skirting the back of Leyland on the Chorley side when we decided to take the left lane for a quick scoot across to dodge the worst traffic in the area. However, an obnoxious motorist shouted at us "you're all over the road" to which the already tense group shouted "HIGHWAY CODE" and "TWO WIDE" being as we were perfectly in the correct lane. So we crossed the carriageway with Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber getting rid of themselves and quickly found ourselves on the road for Rivington, but today we would instead make our way back towards Euxton and Charnock Richard via Butterworth Brow, which we've often descended but I can't ever remember going up from the east side. Ronny had the best combination of descending prowess and spinning capabilities to take this summit, but it's impossible to NOT mark such a bright bike as one to watch. That would become apparent later, but for now we continued up the more gentle part of the climb with me and Ronny back in the lead (David Rodgers will be loving this, no hiding in the bushes as per what Alan Sugar would say). When we reached the T-junction I was surprised to find it was the Hinds Head so we turned right for the Charnock Richard mini roundabout then left at the white circle itself, where naturally everyone forgot their indicators. According to Ronny they're optional in Germany too! I was hoping to turn right past Camelot and in via Eccleston, but oh no we had the Heskin Green descent up next which made me a gibbering wreck trying to get grip on the loose surface with greasy grids and billiard table smoothness making the road like an ice rink. I was mighty relieved to get through in one piece and we regrouped at a sedate pace to the crossroads in Wrightington, where we went straight over but then left just after the church because Matt had a bit of a sting in the tail; Bank Top followed by Crow Lane!

NO DRAFT LEGAL TRIATHLON FOR YOU, CHINOOK, JUST JUMP ON THE TT BIKE AND GET OUT OF THE TRAFFIC

As we reached the T-junction where left takes you towards Wiggo Corner, I wobbled at the thought of a car collecting the group and, much to DNA's amusement, said "oh s***" before putting my left foot down. Truth be told it's a nasty junction at the top of a rise, you can't really see traffic until you're virtually on the road itself. We continued to Dangerous Corner and then past the Endurance Store at speeds of over 30mph before the big effort of the day began at the foot of Bank Top. Matt muttered "26 isn't enough for this" while I happily bowled along with the 36x21 engaged nicely. A bit of honking on the pedals saw me past Ronny (as in the bike I was "marking") before putting the hammer down on Crow Lane. This was a really calming experience with no traffic to bother me, and in the end I'd pulled out a nice lead for an upset special! I spent the next 30 seconds demolishing the banana in my pocket while Kev the Legend pulled off another brilliant performance to pip Neil for third place, though I'm sure Neil is looking forward to moving to Burscough where he'll be on the doorstep of all the great climbs. Aughton has certainly made a difference to my running for sure. We regrouped and descended as far as Dalton Church before turning towards the Whalleys end of Skelmersdale, followed by a new route through Lathom on a road which is mysteriously perfectly surfaced. If only they could fix the road past the Kicking Donkey! By now the numbers were diminishing so with Kev turning off at the Plough, me and Matt led proceedings down School Lane, past the home of the ETU triathlon champion and onto Ruff Lane. Here, Ronny turned left for Scarth Hill Lane but in that modern rarity I hadn't turned off to visit a cafe/fix my bike/steal vegan booms from Booths so completed the ride the HMCC way, with Matt back to Ormskirk. Neil and DNA also turned off around this time leaving me to YOLO once more up Alty's Lane, towards the Dog and Gun and, after losing a fight with a white van, take in Swanpool Lane before arriving home at 1pm having covered 51 miles. Many thanks to Matt for sorting out a varied route with a couple of nice surprises, even if one was a bit of a disaster (checks Black Tag Deals for booms on 25mm open tubulars)

Now for the results, brought to you by Kevin Murphy's choice, Enigma Bikes:

Distance: 81.94km
Time: 2:55:19
Average Speed: 28.04kmh
Hors Cat Climbs: 1
Bikes on the Deck: 2
Arbonne Fizz Sticks Consumed: 1
Obnoxious Drivers: 1
Post Ride Nutrition: 9/10 (Quinoa, mixed vegetables, two vegan mince pies and Savse super smoothie - a couple of beers with the Leicester Tigers rugby match tonight will bump that up to a 10)

REJECT OF THE RIDE: Chinook's Front Tyre
(Calling Matt: can I get a quote on Kev's bike so I can run 28's plus mudguards?)

Time to put the iPad away and reflect on a crazy morning, then go to Booths for a few steals; Friday night means track run night at Edge Hill!