Scrapping for Slim Pickings in South Cheshire

For the 6th round of my 2017 race schedule I made my way down the M6 for the 25th anniversary Cheshire Triathlon in Nantwich. At 7am I arrived at the hardest-to-find Little Chef in the history of Little Chefs down a back road just off Junction 19 so I could eat a breakfast wrap; sausage, bacon, egg and hash brown plus a pot of tea, which I hoped would stop me running out of energy given my start time wasn't until 9:16am. Half an hour later I arrived in Nantwich town centre and parked up for £3 in the event car park. From here it was an easy trip to T2 to park the running shoes before assembling the Focus Chrono for the short ride to the swimming pool at Barony Road Pavilion, this being one of the last remaining saltwater pools in the UK. You only get let in the pitlane at this event when there's space and it's a case of "park wherever you like"; this would become quite an issue upon exiting the water. For now it was time to attend the "rolling race briefing" repeated every 5 minutes and at 9:16am I steeped into the brine pool to begin the 2017 Cheshire Triathlon.

My first lane lengths were pretty quick, indeed I think I got a bit excited at the thought of chasing after people ahead of me, but this event has a unique format. You do four lengths in each lane then duck under the ropes to begin the next one, and in Lane 3 I got so distracted by seeing someone pass me on the left (just as I overtook another swimmer on the right) that I got carried away and ended up doing an extra 2 lengths. This really had me very unhappy when I got out the water with the watch already well past 12 minutes; not only was it a humiliating result in terms of numbers but I also knew that any faint hopes of challenging a famous Leyland Barracuder for the age group title had gone. For now I had to run in bike shoes to T1 and the helmet went on quicker than ever (love my Limar 007) but two miscreants with Specialized road bikes (yes you spotted the irony) had chosen to park their handlebars inside the base bar of my TT rig and I had to lift their machines out of the way to escape. This meant I RAGED past Planet X Stealth Man on the run to the mount line and was seeing nothing but red mist as I began the bike course.

My new-found chum on the Stealth chased after me through the housing estate but upon reaching the main roads I pulled away. The first few miles on the bike were very smooth and with a tailwind, so I pedalled at a 25mph average for much of the first segment, all the way past Rookery Hall to the first sharp left turn - the one where two years ago I went completely on the wrong side of the road. However, Continental Supersonics really are much better than teh stock tyres which came with the wheels and I was able to kick onwards during the slight uphill stretch that followed, where I had to overtake a four-strong clubrun, the sort you get in some areas but not where one club takes over a 20-mile radius catchment area..........The route turned left once more at a jucntion and now it was headwind all the way back home, but don't tell that to the man who lost his balance while fixing his shoe. He wobbled right in front of me as I went to pass and he was seriously lucky not to get CHINOOK'D but once past Mr Incompetent I reached the 16km point having kept up a good average speed. There were a few twists and turns at this part of the course, most notably under the railway bridge, but the road surface is much smoother than it used to be here, save for a brief stretch when I resorted to using the tarmac near the white line - luckily just as I passed yet more competitors. One such rider, Orbea Man, was dispatched at the bridge just prior to the left-turn back onto the main road (he later denied that I was the one who flashed past him, I'm sure he's trying to dodge that one so as not to get in the report) The single-lane carriageway enabled me to pick off one of the elite swimmers who clearly needs his bike position sorting out and after rounding the last roundabout and passing my last two victims I parked up at the dismount line having clawed back a good chunk of time ready to begin the run.

T2 was quite quick for once, and as I left the pitlane I saw my watch was showing 48:08. So it ws all or nothing for any time remotely close to my 2015 result, and as such I ran to the first hairpin and then picked up the lower on the run up to the grassy knoll, where plenty of runners were waiting to be picked off. It was nice to hear a few shouts of "Go St Helens" on Lap 2 as I caught a three-wide battle approaching the pedestrian crossover point but it was getting rather warm now and I was contemplating a quick take of a cup of water at the aid station. However, spirit and mindset win every time and I powered on to lap 3 with a Wigan runner just in front of me. I rounded him at the hairpin and to his credit he had the good character to recognise that one of the Saints had just beaten him. Well, even we were happy they won the World Club Challenge, I mean Super League is in a right sick state at the moment isn't it? On the last lap a young charger from Team Pie came into view and I struggled to catch him on the run up the hill but descended rather better and he uttered "wow you're flying" as I passed him out of the hairpin for the part that always matters: the YOLO! That's right, one last beast mode effort up the final incline had me sprinting round the long left-hander approaching the pit straight and one more left turn later, I was under the finishing gantry having placed 16th, and third in my age group despite the distastrous start.

After trying to cool my body down in the sun (especially the shoulder and neck nerves which are apparently on fire, that explains why I turned up for last Sunday's clubrun dressed as I was) I got up off the bench and made my way to the baggage collection point, before negotiating Beirut - as in the roadblock system for getting bikes out of T2 - as fast as I possibly could so I was able to get a quick dart for home, leaving at 11:40am. However, due to extortionate tailbacks caused by no end of camper vans and tractors it was 12:30 before I even reached the Runcorn bridge, so memorably crossed that fabled night back at the end of April when I came home from the Mid Cheshire 5k. Today, however, I was racing to get to my dad's house for 1:15 which I duly managed so I could park the bike in his garage, get a quick bath and then go to the pub to see the red men blow the doors off Middlesbrough and disappoint a few bluenoses who, it seemed, actually wanted their own team to lose today. Work that one out for yourself.......... Anyway, a great race at an ever-popular location was enjoyed by all, and don't forget, the North West Classic edition at the same venue is on August 13th!

Now for the results, brought to you by today's racing rubber, Continental Supersonic Tyres:

Distance: 500m/T1/20k/T2/5k

Time: 1:06:28

Final Position: 16th, 3rd in age group

Extra Swim Lengths: 2

Bikes Locked Together: 3 just when I didn't need it to happen

Wigan Runners Overtaken: 2

Sausages: 1 (but no cogs, I think John Lynch had the monopoly on that today riding the Struggle)

Post Race Nutrition: 10/10 (Chicken tikka masala and three pints of Doom Bar watching three BOOMS go off at Anfield)

REJECT OF THE RACE: Three Specialized Bike Owners

(Two for blocking in the Focus Chrono, and the Focus Chrono rider himself for forgetting to count his swim lengths)

Time to collect the 500 or so results from around the country before returning home tomorrow to have the floor fixed. At least that should give me plenty of time to cool down before massage time at 12:30 with Andrea at Total Fitness - Kevin Murphy do you approve?