S is for Sat-Nav Silliness in Stockport

For the first round of my 2017 Limar sponsored race season I bolted straight from work today to get to the final round of the Manchester Cross Country League at Woodbank Park in Stockport. I arrived at 2:15pm just in time for Eddie Hirst to hand over my replacement number (my original having gone missing as part of my clear-out during the house move) and I did a quick head count which proved that we had seven, maybe eight, takers for this race so it was very much a case of go race hard, but make sure we get round in one piece. The struggle to find a place in the starting box was almost as epic as the one to find a car parking space on Turncroft Lane but after the leaders tried to jump the start we were finally set off at 2:30pm for 10 kilometres of mud, sharp turns and treacherous descents.

I overtook Lee Stinch within a few corners to claim 6^th club counter status and quickly asked him “Who’s he” referring to someone I’d not seen before. It turned out it was multiple Ironman Dave Gaskell who only joined the party at the last round on the Unversity Playing Fields in Wythenshawe, the day I had a gig in Capenhurst. I closed on him through the opening part of the first lap but he made a huge escape as my balance completely let me down while dodging tree stumps and from here we had to pass the start/finish area once more before doing three long laps. The first descent really spread us out as my nerve went altogether and I was reduced to spreading my wings trying not to fly away as per R Kelly’s song which, you might be surprised to know, is 20 years old. I heard heavy footsteps behind me and shouted “Are you St Helens Tri” “NO” “Well stay behind then!” He didn’t listen, the Wilmslow runner, preferring instead to get his revenge on the guy who gatecrashed his local 10k back in December and pulled off the sub-37 on his birthday. The flat stretch between the second descent and the first run up the hill allowed me to make up a lot of ground, and I even got into a good tempo rhythm, but the hill was next, and what an epic it is; unlike the old one which was very much a case of “head shoulders knees AND toes” this was harder packed mud but no less of a gradient and most of us were reduced to power-striding up to the top. We got a few cheers though, including one shouting “go St Helens”, and another one as we passed the pits to start lap 2. By this time I’d closed up a little on Dave and thought I might have a chance to strike somewhere on the less technical sections of the course, but I failed to steer the right-hander prior to the tarmac crossing and was extremely lucky not to end up going head-first into a tree. I mean, I know Limar don’t want me crashing their products but in a RUNNING RACE? Really? Thankfully the Speed King helmet wasn’t needed and I could set about doing a quicker “long” descent in my efforts to catch Dave. I pulled alongside him on the harder grass just after the water jump and this gave me a bit of impetus to put in a harder shift on the climb, but as I reached the top I’m sure I heard “in 1000 feet turn right”. I couldn’t believe I was hearing voices in my head, but it was distracting nonetheless.

For the final tour I’d forgotten about catching Kevin Dunbar for 4^th place and simply did all I could to take on any tiring runners, or more to the point those who got past me AGAIN on one of those dreaded descents, enlivened only when one of the marshals mentioned track and field at the Sheffield Indoor Meeting. I be like “Yes please, give me some of that” after the 8x400m no-oxygen session on the indoor running track in Prenton the other day especially after the loudest ever “F*** THIS” on the final descent when my left foot went near-90 degree sideways (how have I still got a licence to race in this league, I don’t know). At least the final lap saw a few short-distance specialists tiring in front of me so I started my YOLO a few minutes earlier than usual and heard the “1000 feet” AGAIN at the top of the final climb just as someone yanked two dogs out of the way and I got onto the tail of a Horwich RMI runner. I just failed to round him up before the line but did enough to hold off the Trafford entrant behind me and finished in 172^nd position in 46:46, good enough to place fifth in the St Helens Tri league table.

After that it was time to get a banana from Liz Spensley who was the only lady we had racing today in the 1:30 event, and then go to the well-modernised clubhouse to get teas and coffees and chat about Limar helmets, next week’s duathlon and the end-of-April Mid Cheshire 5k. In addition Dave Gaskell’s girlfriend noticed he had a cut lip and was no doubt thinking “how the f*** did he get CHINOOK‘D in the face, there‘s only four inches height difference between them”. Upon leaving I managed to get lost despite having the sat nav tucked away in my pocket and I only even got out of Stockport when I spotted my red Fiesta on Turncroft Lane. I bolted home and arrived at my dad’s house in Formby at 5:20 before heading off to the NODA awards where I enjoyed a very good three course meal, plenty of wine and a double-shot Disaronno and got to see Opera Viva’s Heather Heighway receive the award for Best Female in a Musical Production (in related news, we’re bringing Verdi’s Rigoletto to various venues in the local area in the two weekends before Easter, full details to follow). All in all a fantastic way to continue the 2017 awards season that just won’t end, and now the hard work really begins as the racing season kicks off for real.

Now for the results, powered by tonight’s signature spirit, Disaronno:

Distance: 10.4k

Time: 46:46

Final Position: 172^nd out of over 300 finishers

Hors Cat Climbs: 3

Dogs: 2

Post Race Nutrition: 10/10 (Tea and bananas at the finish followed by a 3-course meal, coffee, mints and lots of booze at the NODA awards in Southport)

REJECT OF THE RACE: Chinook’s Sat Nav

(Mad rush to get to the start, talked to me all the way through the race, and I still got lost on the way out)

Time to get some shut eye before work tomorrow. Then we look to next weekend’s St Helens Tri duathlon and do it all over again!