P is for Pre-IMUK Party in Parbold

Round 5 of my 2016 racing season saw me out of work at 5:30pm and across the moss for the 8th instalment of the 2016 Endurance Store Duathlon calendar. I arrived just ahead of Darren and Emma who'd come in the same team car with near-matching Canyons (save for Emma's purple seat) and even better, Luke Jackson swooped by at the last second! I did see a P3 parked up outside the shop and thought he still had possession of Carl Hammal's speed machine but as it turned out he was on his Tarmac which seems to take on new guises every time I see it; his taped-on Garmin has already become a legend of social media but he'd also added tri-bars tonight to create the ideal draft-legal race weapon. Except that you're not supposed to do that, instead I think Darren and Emma had the best all-round solution with their Aeroads. We all starred in a group photo for the last Hub race prior to IMUK which I know you're all itching to see on Sunday (I'll be branching off somewhere around the cafe and going straight up Stoney Lane to get bevvied and BURGER'D courtesy of my chumz at the Rigbye Arms) and after starring alongside the real Ironmen as the class mascots, we had the briefing and pedalled up the hill towards Dangerous Corner. This route would have a much quicker beginning than the one I did last February when I finished 9th, as we would get a flat, slightly downhill road to start with to Wiggo Corner. Finally, the order was set and as number 15 I set off behind Boardman Man with a clear road ahead of me.

He was my first victim and I got him before reaching the country club, then the left-turn at Wiggo Corner fell to me perfectly as I had the whole road to myself so I could pick my own line through the rough road surface which I hope doesn't end up deciding Sunday's showpiece. The route headed north for about four miles past the Cornerhouse restaurant and then the Toyota garage on the B5250 near Camelot. Here it was quite entertaining to hear a little kid saying to his mum "they're fast aren't they"; you heard it from me first he's dropping us all on the coast road ten years from now. I caught someone going fairly slowly at the turn-off point just after Bygone Times but of greater concern was the first of the summer loose chippings. They have blighted other races I've done at this time of year in previous seasons but here we had to put up with them, and their various consistency, for a couple of miles and a few times I simply resorted to clinging to the base bar for dear life. Things straightened out a bit, ironically, after the tight turn onto Bentley Lane, where I kept up a good turn of pace despite the best efforts of Ford Fusion Driver to cut out in front of me. To be fair, she did get on with the move. After overtaking two more riders on the run to the Farmer's Arms I got a nice free run down the descent at over 30mph only for my computer magnet to slide to the bottom of the front wheel, so I never got to see my high score! At least I got the satisfaction of rounding up a Team Deathmatch clan drafting each other on the run to the T-junction for Parbold Hill and from here it was simply a case of picking the right intensity to attack the main climb. I'd thought to myself "if I can see either Emma or Darren then I'm on to a good thing here" but it was the long, straight bit of Parbold before I spotted the S-Works aero helmet in the far distance and this spurred me on to one last effort on the downhill (but STILL I didn't know how fast I was going) before swinging into the left-turn at Dangerous Corner to be clocked at 31:55, with Luke Jackson calling it a day after doing 31:16 on his TES debut and Emma and Darren somehow clocking identical times just under the 33 minute mark.

We enjoyed a good, entertaining debate with Richard Bardon about alternative ways of doing an Ironman (skateboards and roller blades are apparently not permitted) before rolling down the hill, doing a quick kit change (in my case to the one that and heading off on the 5k run route. This is self-timed though the unwritten rule is that you have a Garmin to verify your distance, after all there was an unconfirmed rumour that Kev Murphy turned up late tonight, did just the run and got lost at Lees Lane. That's right, the first 3/4 mile is pretty much all downhill and my running form goes all over the place when not on pan flat terra firma (it's amazing I haven't been ASBO'D from the cross country league yet) but this actually played into my hands as my average speed readout rocketed to well over 17.5kmh at the 1km point. Of course, a fall always comes before a struggle and never more so than on the slippery, greasy climb up to the turnaround point. On this second quarter I overtook some bloke in that endangered species category who is both taller and lighter than me (Tom Hanlon nowhere to be seen tonight though) and about 200 metres from the turnaround itself, I saw Darren and Emma running together. A quick shout of "Happy Tuesday" got them going quickly again, and it was quite some time before I passed them, just before the left-turn out of Lees Lane for Appley Bridge. Here, I dared to check the watch once more and saw I'd gone past the 4k mark in under 15 minutes so was on for a 16kmh average if only I could get up the "Endurance Store Finish Hell". Now I fully expect JP to rollerblade his way to this KOM sometime soon but tonight it was the hardest 200m sprint finish I've ever done as I frantically tried to keep the legs turning over and desperately tried to strain for the picnic tables that mark the finish line. My head started to bang at this point from the effort but if nothing else it confirmed I'd left everything out there and was amazed to stop the watch at 18:27, over a minute quicker than the same route back in February 2015!

It wasn't long before Emma and Darren arrived as a tandem two (Luke having presumably gone to film the chainey sprint) and after comparing Garmin times for the bike and run courses we went in the shop to sample various delights; chocolate digestives (OK had millions of them down the years) Rijo 42 coffee (if only they could buy out Costa or Starbucks) and Aussie Bites, miniature circular flapjacks which appear to have added health benefits; I've had the Chia Charge flapjacks I alluded to from last year's "bomb goes off" moment in Nantwich, and these could be viewed as a bite-sized version of the same thing, which was handy as otherwise I'd have eaten the lot..........To record your time you have to log into the computer, enter your email address and feed your stats in, which I guess is the way the results will be sent out, but in addition I caught up with Richard "Rollerblade" Bardon to discuss the Howgills Pool Triathlon this August in Sedbergh, and how tough the run course will be there; how on earth do I lose more weight for that? The HMCC members who did the full distance then sipped on the marvellous Rijo 42 outside and mused over recent FB comments about "people being too fast"..........well here's an idea for anyone with that mindset, try doing something different like a 312 or a Project Leicester and see what that does for you, it worked for all the stars of tonight's show and it will work on Sunday when we have the "double points pub sprint" I mentioned earlier (nothing shameful in needing a taxi to Parbold station followed by a train ride home, it's only once a year anyway). After picking up the NO PINZ race number belt I ended up not needing from the lost property stash I put the bike in the car and headed home, and surprisingly I was still in a good mood even when I came across a crash at the M57/Brooms Cross Road junction involving two cars and a lamppost (it looked like a slow-speed hit rather than a fatal wipeout, but here's hoping they're OK). Five days and counting to the big one in Bolton!

Now for the results, powered by Rijo 42 coffee:

Distance: 19.2km bike/5km run

Time: 31:55 + 18:27 = 50:22

Average Speeds: 36.09kmh on bike/16.26kmh on run

Bikes Overtaken: at least 5

Hors Cat Climbs: 1 each on bike and run

Post Race Nutrition: 10/10 (Cottage pie, strawberry tart with ice cream and a bottle of real ale, just had to have a blowout)

REJECT OF THE RACE: Cateye Computer Magnet

(Just before the two main descents as well; the worst possible time to miss out on a virtual KOM)

See you all Sunday for another fast ride. I'm not directing a route as such but will listen to what's on offer then make it clear where the real sprint is going to. £20 notes and credit cards at the ready, this one's going to get messy, and watch that fence on the way back..........