Masters of Millenium Square - Leeds 2018 Part 2

It was just as well I’d planned on a early start because I woke at 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep. So I simply had a bit of extra time to get a shower, eat the two pots of porridge I’d brought with me (which was quite entertaining as I’d forgotten to bring cutlery and the hotel’s provisions luckily stretched to a plastic fork to both eat the oatmeal and spread the Lotus Biscoff on the potato cakes) and clear out my room ready for the short drive to Roundhay Park. Fears that we wouldn’t be able to go the quick route and have to drive around the city proved unfounded, and as such we could set about leaving our shoes in transition and prepare the wetsuits while Heart Radio blasted out the same 10 songs over and over again, including a modern classic (One Last Time by Ariana Grande), a proper rock song (Use Somebody by Kings of Leon, now you're talking) and the tune we would hear on the starting ramp, You Got the Love from 1989 by the Source and Candi Staton. Quite a haunting backdrop to an eerily foggy morning which had already caused the standard distance swim to be shortened. Many feared that visibility to the first turning point would be severely compromised - looks like I picked the wrong day to try pool goggles in open water and try pushing off the pontoon at the same speed as the leaders……….

WHERE ARE YOU CHINOOK? THERE HE IS, GET HIM OUT OF HERE

Many years ago there was an epic PC game called Outlaws where the bad guys called the player (Marshall James Anderson) out while he was hunting them down. The seminal line was “Where Are You Marshall?” and became something of a cult classic especially with me and Michael King, who was very much the class leader in the Formby High School of the late 90s (some of the goofs we managed to wind the teachers up with had to be seen to be believed) but although he lives in Leeds nowadays he wouldn’t make it to the roadside today. However, I almost didn’t give him and the fans anything to watch, as firstly I let my hand slip on the pontoon just as the starting horn went and then I stupidly tried to fight 10 swimmers faster than Che Heard in the first 200 metres. This left me miles off course as I mistook the yellow canoe for the first turning point and the rescue squad were probably thinking “who the f*** gave this guy a licence to race” because now I was miles behind the midfield runners who I had hopes of chasing down and I only got back on course by stopping, lifting my pool goggles up (they’re also hideously scratched) and set off for the yellow buoy. After this I actually enjoyed the swim immensely and was disappointed not to get a second lap to really turn on the afterburners. It transpired later that I actually managed to defeat 60% of the field in the lake despite getting completely lost so yes, I’ll take that as a sign of good things to come two weeks down the line in Birmingham. Come the 18 minute mark I was climbing out of the water and onto the jetty where the race team were helping us out, probably rather thankfully that I didn’t slip and drag them into the lake. Then it was a fast run through to our bikes, a very efficient swap over (shame I didn’t do that in Nantwich really) and I could set off for the mount line to begin the bike course.

KUOTA MAN GET DOWN FROM THERE YOU ARE NOT A SKIER, USE THE BASE BAR AND PUSH THE BIG GEAR

The race booklet advises participants to leave their bikes in a low enough gear to get started, but doesn’t make any mention of the possibility that you might struggle to get your feet into your pedals. This was mainly because of the overnight dew making the pedal surface very slippery indeed, and it cost me a good 10 seconds or so as I set off up the hill. Even on this first climb though, I was able to pass a few fast starters and this good trend continued into the back roads around the park, as we made our way through the local housing estates via the main roads. Some people left their cornering a bit too late and had to be overtaken by the Jaguar on the left, and one or two overcooked it completely and needed an ambulance to get them back to base. I do hope none of them were too badly hurt. For my part I was overtaking a few people in the standard distance race including some GB age group athletes on Trek Speed Concepts, the black one with red lettering looked particularly imposing. The course itself is a bit of a teaser as Joe Allen would later allude to, because just as you think you’ve reached the turnaround point another right-turn appears in front of you, but unlike the Fylde Tri-Logy series you can actually attack the hairpin at the back of the circuit properly because it’s on main roads with proper barriers either side. This was the cue for one very entertaining episode as referenced in the paragraph title, because Kuota Kalibur Man forgot he was only doing 15mph up the longest drag and stayed in the aero position! And all this while one of my teammates in the standard distance was probably doing 20mph up the same climb on the drops, hey mate use the base bar, you are not here for a skiing trip and also those pedestals look ridiculous, why not just leave the spacers in and slam your armrests? We carried on up the hill but the next descent was really hairy as I overtook an ambulance and another TT bike threading the needle as I did so, round the outside of the motor vehicle then up the inside of the push iron (or is it carbon?) The last mile was a real eye-opener as a motorbike in front of me swerved over to yet another medical emergency and I feared a Tour de France episode where the cyclist gets thrown over the barbed wire fence, but having survived one last scare I could slam on for the dismount line, run the bike back into transition and grab my favourite ever speed shoes, the Saucony Type A’s for 7.5km of lumpy but thrilling roads to the finish line.

JUMP ON THE CHINOOK TRAIN AND BE BOUND FOR GLORY

The first 800 metres out of the park were all uphill and as I passed a lady in the longer event she gasped as to how people can run so fast. It’s all in the choice of team kit (yes Che Heard?) From the left-hander at the park entrance it was slightly downhill through the streets past the turn-off for the Ava Residence but I started to close on a guy wearing a Rosso Corsa sleeved tri suit, who I’d spotted at the lakeside prior to the start. I now thought “great, I’ve got him” but it took me ages to reel him in partly because I did a few high-5’s with the local fans, as in the kids. As I passed Rosso Corsa Man he said “can you carry me home” well maybe he shouldn’t have tried to win the race before the first corner (in the lake). Now it was simply a case of push on and pass as many as I could whether they were in my race or not, indeed most were standard distance entrants left well behind by the leaders. Two speedsters of note in the sprint distance were a young kid from Hoddlesdon and another from Wakefield Tri Club who looked suspiciously like Julian from Penny Lane Striders. Indeed, two PLS members recognised me as I reached the city centre even though the St Helens Tri kit bears no resemblance to that of the greatest running club in the world but with only just over a mile to go I was into the city streets with the crowd getting ever louder and the three speedsters from earlier having failed to stay aboard the Chinook train. Now it was a case of look for the split point where the courses divided; the sprint distance turned off for the finish at the final corner while the standard distance runners had an extra loop to do. This was pointed out to each runner individually by some bloke holding up one of those big finger gloves from late 90’s Gladiators on ITV but it was the BBC showing us as we powered out of the final corner for the big sprint finish. One final dash for the line later I was home and dry having finished in under 1:28, 18 overall and 4^th in my age group!

After that it was time to go to the stands in the stadium section and watch a few more people finish, before regrouping with my teammates from the standard distance event, some of whom had finished, others who were still making their way home having started in later waves. Eventually we were all back together again and highlights included Myka Heard going top-5 in her division and Che and Mark enjoying a cracking duel which eventually went Mark’s way by just a few minutes. A big hand also for Steve Williams who never ceases to inspire us all and actually recorded a 10k PB to boot! After a few team photos, we returned to Roundhay Park via the shuttle bus which was absolutely packed but by now I was conscious that my feet had cuts all over them from trying to use the Stadt Moers Parkrun specials without socks and as such I was mighty relieved that Oscar and Che had medical supplies in the Team Heard car when we returned to base. We cleared out the pitlane and made our way to the water’s edge where the elite ladies were about to begin, and once they hit the bike course we returned to the park itself to watch the race on the giant screen and see Vicky Holland win while Georgia Taylor-Brown’s second place confirmed her as one of the rising stars of British Triathlon. For my part I needed some liquid refreshment and some calories while staying true to my values so hunted out some chips and a pint of Stowford Press Cider (confirmed vegan) which together with a Pepsi killed off water-borne bacteria perfectly. Come 4:30pm it was time to head for home but before we went back to the cars we visited the HUUB store where at last I acquired some proper open water goggles then on to the Flapjackery where they were doing 3 for £10 on luxury flapjacks, including vegan specials! Naturally we were delighted to have such choice on offer, so with our hands now well and truly full and shoulders, knees and toes almost being called into service we carried our supplies back to our cars and set sail for the west coast,as I arrived at home for 7:30pm having stopped at Costa motorway services near Heaton Park for their new vegan wrap plus coconut latte. What an epic weekend, June 9 is race day next year put it in your diary now!

Now for the second page of results, powered by Stowford Press Cider:

Distance: 750m/19km/7.5km

Time: 1:27:24

Final Place: 18 out of 629, 4^th in age group

Search Parties: 1 sent out to look for me

Ambulances: 3

Post Race Nutrition: 10/10 (Chips and a pint in the park then a vegan Costa snack on the way home)

REJECT OF THE RACE: Kids Smoking Weed out of the Hotel Window

(Imagine getting DNS: Disqualified for Traces of Cannabis on your CV)

Time to catch up with the Canadian Grand Prix. Only two weeks to go to the City of Birmingham Triathlon, and it’s on the day England play Panama in the World Cup. Anyone want to share a room for £40? I’ll even suggest whoever wins buys the beer while the footie’s on…………