H is for Hooligan Heist on Hunter's Hill

Instead of joining an early morning ride in the full knowledge I'd be frozen under a blanket of sleet by 11am, I got the time trial bike out the shed early doors today and headed over to Appley Bridge for the last round of the Triathlon Hub's Winter Duathlon series. Today's event attracted over 40 riders including Peter Gaskell who turned up yesterday for the Saturday swim and will be riding with us this year when he's got a free Sunday. After a quick briefing we got our bikes out the cars, rode up to Dangerous Corner and were set off at 15-second intervals.

As someone who didn't have "previous" for these events I signed on at number 8 but was quickly shuffled back to 26 by Marc who said "no that's for actual novices, we know who you are" (CHINOOK) so now, I was in very much a mixed ability group as we lined up to go and this made for quite an interesting first segment as I struggled to catch the first rider ahead of me. I passed him just before the quarry and set about hurtling down Hunter's, or as much as you can when your fingers are freezing up and you don't know if you've actually got the brakes on if the back wheel is resting a bit too close to the brake pads - they'd proven troublesome when I set the bike up this morning in hillclimb configuration. At the left-turn for Parbold Hill I saw a Bicycle Lounge bottle ahead of me and thought, well I'll hear about this one from the Ormskirk lads if I lose to him, so I battled past him in my 38x24 gear which at least validated my decision to use these wheels instead of the 11x23-equipped Cosmic Carbone SLS specials. The descent was a blast on the tri-bars but a very icy blast at that, and the second lap was more of the same, except that as I reached the quarry I got boxed in behind BT'WIN Bike Man (Clay nowhere to be seen today). I chickened out at this point rather than end up CHINOOKING the poor soul on the blast down to the Farmer's Arms and Peter Gaskell pounced on his Scott Addict, moving past the pair of us and leaving me to eventually drop the little red bike at the Common. Soon, only one lap remained, but this final tour was marked by a two-versus-one battle with two guys who seemed to be working together, namely Ridley Man and Team Sky Pinarello Man. What was this, Team Deathmatch? They tried to drop me going down Hunter's but I caught them in Hilldale and thought I had them beaten. However, on the final ascent of THE HILL they went back past as I rounded up the Planet X Exocet and eventually left them to it as they simply had to play Sprint Finish all the way to the line - nearly taking each other out in the process.

Having clocked a disappointing 56:35 I could have just thrown in the towel (this would have left me 13th just for the bike segment) but there was a 20-minute job to do, namely the lumpy 5k run to the lake on Lees Lane and back. After putting the bike in the car the first 800 metres were a real blast downhill past the train station until the first incline just prior to the turn-off for Bank Top. I've always considered Lees Lane an Ashurst Beacon cop-out but today it was a real leg-burner after three laps of Parbold Hill. The real entertainment was at the turnaround point; the flock of around 60 geese must have known the rain was coming as they made noises that either suggested they were feeling sick or they were coming to eat us! This made for quite a soundtrack from today's ROTR winners as we turned round towards Appley Bridge once more. But we weren't out the woods yet; a JCB appeared in my path just as I reached the left-hand turn and rather than jump in the back of his scoop for a free ride back to base I had to run the long way round him. The final 800 metres back past the train station were the hardest of the day, not least because the first few spits of rain were forming in the air, so I was mighty relieved to get back to base in under 20 minutes, clocking 19:43 for a slow 5k route, which is already quicker than some of the 5k's at the end of last year's triathlons in much better conditions. A good morning's racing, which got even better when I saw the remnants of the Race group getting frozen to death in the sleet just as I got in the car to head home. As I posted on Facebook, running shoes are a wonderful invention

Now for the results, brought to you by Peter's next bike, the Focus Izalco Chrono Max:

Distances: 27km/5km
Times: 56:35/19:43 = 1:16:18
Final Position: 9/37 (13/41 on bike, 5/37 on run)
Hors Cat Climbs: 3 but all the same one
Edgey sightings: 2 on the bike, 1 on the run
Geese: at least 20
Lorries: 1 ROOTS vehicle on the final descent of Parbold Hill
Post Race Nutrition: 7/10 (tea and cakes at the venue followed by soup and chicken tikka sandwich at home - off to the pub soon for the 4:15 from St Mary's)

REJECT OF THE RACE: Geese http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/2219688
(At least the JCB didn't sound or look like a menacing man-eater)

Time to update the St Helens Tri website, then drink some beer. Oh, and it's still throwing it down here in Formby..........