H is for Hi-Jinks and Huge Portions at Hesketh Park

For Round 7 of my 2017 season I was up at 5:30 this morning for the Southport Parkrun, to begin a very long day of running, watching a bike time trial, the food and drink festival in Southport and the Champions League Final. At 8am I parked up outside Hesketh Park but really struggled to get the balance right between warmup and keeping myself cool (you've seen me dressed somewhat differently this week I'm sure, not out of choice but rather out of trying to stay comfortable while still looking like the rebel I really am, thank God JD Sports have beaten Sports Direct). As the Southport Parkrun is only a week away from its first anniversary it would be nice to see a few others take part next week when I'm JP'ING (working) so someone else can go for a sub-18 time. After a quick trip into the bushes to keep the grass hydrated I made my way down to the race briefing and at 9am, it was time to put the hammer down for 5km of enclosed but rolling park paths.

The first kilometre was a five-way scrap as we fought for position out front while working out who was really the race favourite. It turned out it was a bloke from Blackpool who was actually wearing sleeves in double-figure temperatures and it turned out later he's training for a half marathon so he's only too happy to simulate cumulative race day heat - rather him than me I say. For my part I was busy picking my way through the others fighting over second place including one from Southport Waterloo and another who looked like he was from Liverpool Harriers. Once these two had been dispatched/heel clipped/CHINOOK'D it was a plunge down the hill to the 1km point which I passed in 3:30 - surely too quick to keep up? I kept up the  intensity into Lap 2 where the backmarkers started appearing, some jogging three wide, others with dogs. But the worst was some random bloke not even in the race who decided to walk across the race course with a BUGGY of all things. Let's hope he considers himself well and truly knocked out. For my part, with this coming at the end of Lap 2, it was time to dig in for the last lap where the race leader became a little more visible but in reality I think he was easing off because he knew that even my best YOLO wasn't going to catch him now. So I went past a "24 hour run to eat cake" entrant who clearly lives by the same nutritional rules as I do, before powering up the hill to the observatory, which leads to one thing; the world's fastest YOLO! That's right, I was straining for a sub 18 so hammered it down the finish straight to steal a time of 17:50, good enough for second overall, an age group win and first ever sub-18 minute Parkrun!

As soon as I was finished the rest of the day began, starting with a trip to the park cafe for a very big gluten free carrot cake and a coffee. I can't say I notice the difference as much as I do with chocolate cake, but it was great to chat to the SWAC veterans elites who were only too keen to get me on their team for the cross country season - well it doesn't clash with what St Helens Tri are doing so there's a thought..........Also, two of them are really up for doing the West Lancs Summer Triathlon so Rob Macleod must be very happy that my place will be accounted for while I'm in Nottingham doing the club relays and at least he won't have to fear a magenta camo tank top on the podium (Ste Francis be like "I want one of them") We went our separate ways at 11am and from there it was a scramble to get home, eat a sandwich and ride to Bickerstaffe for the time trial where Martin from the VCUK team got to use my front Fulcrum Quattro after his front tubular punctured on the way to the start. He got round in a low 21 (apparently with the 5-spoke he would have gone sub 21, nice sales pitch there mate) and after taking a few pics I rode to Southport for the food and drink festival, where a Persian kebab was consumed very quickly together with Chimney Cakes and ice cream plus a real ale from Ashbourne in Derbyshire. And one more fast ride home later it was time to run to the 22 club to watch Ronaldo take over the Champions League Final and Juventus to once again prove to be the Unadaptable Ones. What a day it's been, and now time to prepare for the Roman Road tomorrow!

Now for the results, brought to you by  my new summer clothing suppliers, JD Sports:

Distance: 5k
Time: 17:50
Average Speed: 16.82kmh
Buggies: 1
Roadblocks: at least 3
Post Ride Nutrition: 10/10 (coffee and cake at the finish, Asian food at Victoria Park and four pints of ale)

REJECT OF THE RACE: Buggy Man
(Look for the reflective running shorts and St Helens Tri vest before you cross the road next time)

Time to get some shut eye as the eyelids are drooping - well done to everyone who raced today, and get that sub 4 hour on the Roman Road!