E is for Ellesmere Port, EPL and Eastham Excellence

It was a grand day out on the Wirral today for the 12th round of my 2017 race schedule as I was up bright and early for the 7am drive to Whitby park for the Ellesmere Port Parkrun, to be followed by the beginning of Liverpool's EPL campaign and a grand opera night at Eastham Church. Exceptional Excellence you might say. After dodging an 8am parking fine at THE ASDA in the Port Arcades I re-parked the car at the race venue and got a briefing from the event organiser as to how many turns and general slow bits the course had. Turned out it was pretty much the entire route, but more on that later. One quick run to the loo later (no bog roll, WTF?) I was ready to go and after the general pre race talk applauding the new members of the 100 club, we were counted down from 3 and sent on our way for two greasy grassy laps of Whitby Park.

I was in a group of three at the front but a man from Liverpool Harriers was flying up to the back of us and he was dealing with the slippery surface far better than anyone else. He would eventually win by nearly a minute but the rest of us spaced out fairly evenly allowing one "Oregon Project" man to consolidate second place while I tried everything to catch the man in blue for third. Over the course of the opening lap I tried a few times to get back at him but he was much quicker through the corners and as such he finished the opening lap with a sizeable lead over me. The route itself was pretty interesting if rather heavy going as it took us on the grass all the way to the edge of the park at the playground before doubling back towards the hall where at least we for a bit of path to run on, but even this proved problematic because of some precariously placed puppies. They must know that Parkrun exists though as they were the best behaved dogs I've ever seen at a running race. On the second tour I edged a little closer to the man in blue on the hard packed mud and path portions of the course but typically he had more traction through the twisty grassy segments and as such I was never likely to catch him, instead I had to settle for passing a few backmarkers including one who you could hear listening to Ariana Grande's One Last Time on what looked like Beats by Dre headphones; just as well I caught her on a straight and not at the turnaround point. On the second entrance to the hall paths a little Yorkshire terrier was sat very happy in front of its owner on a mobility scooter, oh happy days for them. Certainly more than for some of us as the early morning deep freeze had given way to burning sunshine and my nervous system was becoming more unstable than a reactor in the Fukushima nuclear power plant but rather than melt down altogether I did one last YOLO sprint through the final few paved corners and got the gap down to the third placed man to just five seconds, finishing with a time of 18:13 leaving me fourth, but top of the M30-34 division for the third straight Parkrun!

After catching my breath I picked up a chocolate flapjack bite from one of the marshals at the finish and took a few selfies, the first of many on the day, including one holding a pain au chocolat, which would kick off a long day of gourmet eating and drinking. Because next up was a trip to JD Sports, the Sports Direct Destroyers, to get the new Denver orange LFC shirt in time for a dash to the Argyll and Sutherland pub in Bromborough so I could watch the first game of the new season. I think we were extremely lucky to get away with a point as the defense could have let six or more in to the likes of Arsenal or Manchester City and to be honest when Watford made it 3-3 I was astonished that Jurgen Klopp didn't throw any drinks bottles on the floor like I did at the dress rehearsal..........for Flat Pack Music. That's right, the new team in town were ready to perform Mozart's Cosi Fan Tutte, basically a reality show from the 18th century, at Eastham church at 7:30. The performance was absolutely exceptional and it certainly made my rage at my own mistake the night before worthwhile; my problem is really with the ones who you have to throw the book at and then they STILL don't look as though they really care (anyone still remember Mario Balotelli?) Come midnight it was time to drive home and prepare for the Sunday ride but what a day it was, and don't miss our performance of La Boheme on Saturday 13 January!

Now for the results, brought to you by Flat Pack Music:

Distance: the usual
Time: 18:13
M30-34 Division Record: 3-0
Dogs: 4
Mobility Scooters: 1
Post Race Nutrition: 9/10 (Pain au chocolat and flapjack at the venue then chicken tikka masala and three pints of Pepsi watching the match, couldn't drink so can't get a 10)

REJECT OF THE RACE: The local council
(No loo roll + overgrown grass + peeling paintwork everywhere = Reject award)

That's me done for the day, six hours of sleep then the ride tomorrow. Thank God Matt didn't insist on an 8am start..........