C is for Curtain Call at "the Clough"

For the 12th and final round of a racing season full of highlights I made my way through a lot of headlights and high winds up the M62 this afternoon for the third round of the Manchester Area Cross Country League at Boggart Hole Clough, a small park not far from the Yorkshire border. The huge wind gusts in Merseyside might well have made some think the motorway and the race course itself would be too dangerous but actually the conditions weren't too bad; I did get rained on just after eating my Tesco hoisin duck wrap upon arrival and this only frustrated my efforts to find out makeshift team base to put the gust-proof Saucony box I'd acquired as part of a new deal on XC spikes the other day, but the rain stopped just after I made my last dash to the loo, grabbed my race number and joined Lee Stinch at the start line as the clock ticked past 2:25pm. A couple of minutes later, the shotgun went off and we were underway for the muddiest 10k either of us had ever experienced.

The first lap was a simple 800 metre jaunt around the start/finish area, then we had one medium lap and two huge laps to contend with. This meant it was pretty difficult to learn the course if you'd never done it before, and sure enough the first tour led to one or two wobbles involving me sticking elbows and forearms out to keep balance just as a more sure-footed runner tried to pass. It only got tougher on the steep descent through the trees, the first of two Travelator-stylee climbs and the slide down the ditch. I did like the run round the back of the tennis courts and the relatively straight part back to the start line - indeed I think I'd have got on quite well with four simple laps like this - but instead we now had two much longer laps ahead of us, with much more variety in mud levels and other terrain. Firstly, we would take a longer route after the mud slide round the east end of the park where there were a few off-camber corners; these certainly suited the smaller runners and had me panicking. But it was actually a person who was both taller and lighter than me (yes they DO exist) and in trying to pass me at a no-passing point he only ended up bouncing off my left elbow and CHINOOKING himself into a tree stump! Given I'd had to customise my race kit due to the icy and windy conditions (how on earth did Lee Stinch not die of hypothermia) I really should have had a "keep calm and avoid Chinook" t-shirt printed before today's race - then I might even have won - but all that work staying on my feet had proven quite tiring mentally and we approached the start of the final lap with me getting passed by various weaker runners most of whom I guess had 20mm spikes or something like that. I was getting positions back on occasion when we were allowed to enjoy some pure grass or tarmac (there's a Strava segment for you JP) but upping the pace and my heart rate only proved more stressful and, moreover, Lee was closing on me quickly, getting the gap down to half a minute as we approached the exposed hairpin on the final tour. In addition my head was spinning a bit, not from lack of food or water, but as a symptom of what is likely to be some loose inner ear crystals which have made recovering from hard run sessions just about impossible (just as well the blood markers were normal). As we approached the off-camber corners for the final time the marshals shouted "not long to go" and upon reaching the tennis courts we got a surprise guest appearance from someone who must have worked with Sega or Nintendo on those legendary Sega racing game or Mario Kart soundtracks from the 90's; he was standing with an umbrella waving us across saying "go" about 20 times over and over without taking a breath - that's a lot better than I could manage - but I wasn't sure if he actually wanted to cross the path. Luckily he stayed out of my way and after one last run through the Trough of Boggartland I could set off after the runners in front of me on the final dash for the line, eventually finishing the muddiest XC I've ever done in 48:48, and not lapped by the winner either!

After waiting just over 90 seconds for Lee and his 16 pints of rum to cross the line we went back to the makeshift team base and to our amazement found that neither our bags or my box had been blown into Yorkshire, so we discussed next year's big challenges including my plans to mark the 23rd of October, that fateful date, with a £2-per-go sweepstake on me running the Bradford Half Marathon (any cheeky buggers who put me down for a 2hr+ time have to pay a tenner). Lee then headed for his car and I found the sink in the loo where I got to drain out ALL of the mud from my lower legs and race shoes, impressing the other runners with my flexibility no end. If only they knew I'm every bike fitters' worst nightmare when sat on an undersized road bike........ Anyway, I shovelled down some bakewell slices and drank a yellow Innocent Smoothie before setting off down the M62 once more at twilight, just as I'd planned on finishing a momentous 2015 racing season. Well done to the Elite Eight who ran today, I can't join you at Heaton Park but will try and make myself available for Wythenshawe on 13 February - though I think I might need to acquire some spiked rockstar gloves to help me climb out of the ditch if the Manchester XC Midgets Division swamp me like they did two years ago..........

Now for the results, powered by today's recovery drink, Innocent Smoothies!

Distance: 10k
Time: 48:48
Average Speed: 12.3kmh
Pastor Maldonado moments: 2 both of which I won
New Strava Segments found: 1 downhill before one of the two Travelators
Post Race Nutrition: 10/10 (Bakewell slices and Innocent smoothie at the venue, then roast beef dinner and Sauvignon Blanc once I've finished the report)

REJECT OF THE RACE: Go-Go-Go-Go-Go-Go-Go Man
(For excellence in rugby-style obstruction, poking an umbrella in our faces and making a prat of himself)

Time to let the party season really start with lots of food and booze. At the same time, 2016 starts tomorrow morning. Where will your racing adventures take you next year? Get thinking!