C is for Cloudbursts, Calamities and Cake in Clitheroe

For the 4th round of my 2017 race season I left the house at 8am this morning to take in a challenge I have somehow managed to miss despite knowing the area very well, the Clitheroe Triathlon. I arrived at 9:20 and parked on the road away from the bike in/ out zone but at least I avoided a pay and display, especially as I was so well organised I didn't even have any change on me. I picked the race pack up and set about assembling my pit box complete with the ONE Pro Cycling Musette grabbed off the road yesterday at the Chorley Grand Prix. A quick check of the start list indicated that not only did St Helens Tri have a very good team to field, but so did HMCC as Rebecca Smith was set to go in the 10:19 wave, so I was always mindful of when our paths might cross on the out and back run course later........or not as the case may be if I was destined to get ribbed at the shop next Sunday. In the 10:55 wave, I got to the briefing for a quarter to eleven and after the usual warnings about potholes and the two mandatory "foot down" points we were ready to go in Lane 3.

I was second to go so set about trying to chase the fast starter ahead of me but instead the green cap was on my tail fairly quickly. I held him off until six lengths in before having to yield, but it didn't seem to fret my stroke rate and despite a loosening timing chip trying to fall off I got to the shoe depot in a reasonable time, which enabled me to make up some ground into T1 (imagine if I'd tried to run across the muddy grass barefoot) and now all I needed to do in the pitlane itself was grab the skull cap and Limar 007 helmet, leg it as fast as possible to the mount line and begin 30 kilometres of rolling roads.

I'm sure this route is a joy to ride on a better day, but on this occasion, and on a bike I'm still getting used to (damn why did I have to be struck down with a virus on TT Tuesday last week) the first few miles were a real tough slog. Maybe it will get easier aboard a set of race wheels, especially as some were quoting gains of up to 5 minutes (yeah right) on deep sections, but there were precious few cyclists to pick off and the only notable moment early on was the protection lane we had for the temporary traffic lights, mysteriously still operational over the Easter weekend despite the workers being off on their school holiday jaunts to somewhere a bit drier. Like the Lake District, or Wales, where all those Liverpool season ticket holders apparently come from. There was quite a comedy moment at the second "foot down" point as I arrived on the left side of Scott Speedster Man and then passed him round the outside of the right turn! From here we did many of the roads encountered on last June's Oven Bowl Special ride to the Trough (the one where everyone left me on the ride back from Preston) but after these familiar environs were somewhat spoiled by two suicidal pheasants walking across the road just as I got there, we started following signs for Chipping, and Jeffrey Hill. This climb always seemed doable on a Sunday ride in summer but alas, I got there just as the blizzard conditions hit, and as such despite being in the 38x24 I couldn't shift down because a) my thumbs had frozen and b) I was scared of doing wheelies or losing grip so I simply avoided a crash by running with the bike for 400 metres, much to the amusement of Trek Madone Lady who I'd just overtaken before the right hand turn for the climb. I got back on as the gradient eased and re-passed her but I wasn't in much mood to smile at the camera positioned atop the hill and the descent was one of those moments when your life flashes by you. Those of you who remember the dreadful events of the 2014 Japanese Grand Prix will recall the "basin" in the eases round the back of the Suzuka Circuit where Jules Bianchi went under the JCB and his head was crushed; he eventually died nine months later. God only knows what possessed me to bomb through this river but I came out alive and set off with momentum up the next climb, eventually descending to the left turn at the pub where I had to skirt the white line to avoid hitting a patch of gravel in the corner. By now the descents were getting worse as the twists and turns just wouldn't end and I was now barely gripping the brake levers, so it was no real surprise when a TT bike rolled past me with four miles still to go. He was number 207 so now I wasn't even leading my own swim wave. He became an ever shrinking dot in the distance as the rain eased, the corners became somewhat more straightforward to negotiate and........the potholes returned, though one quite amusingly had an SIS bottle in it which could so easily have rolled everywhere, so perhaps for the first time we should be thankful that a pothole got in the way. From here it was one last turn left into the transition slip road to the dismount line where I parked the bike and saw Rebecca. My first thought was "she's just finished" and " if I don't do this run course in 32 minutes I'm going to hear about this from the A group wind-up merchants" but it later transpired the the descent which so nearly took me out had indeed eliminated her from podium contention, sending her to the floor and requiring a lift back to base. Hope you feel better soon Rebecca, no question there was a place on the podium awaiting you today had you survived the Jeffrey Hill descent.

Meanwhile, I was off onto the grass and mud which characterise the first and last 400 metres of the run course, so YOLO planning would be of paramount importance. The first half of the run was pretty hairy with runners wandering all over the road and cyclists riding alongside them; one even got an earful from me as he wobbled at what Ironman entrants typically call "easy" 9 minute mile pace (on a BIKE........) I saw NRG4 teammate John Baden galloping the other way early on then set about catching Number 207 who was threatening to deprive me of Wave 14 honours. He was only a few seconds ahead at the turnaround point and a quick charge out of the hairpin got me back past within half a mile, whereupon it was time to make use of the gradually descending course profile and start the YOLO early, because the bridge (also known as two corners in 40 metres, just what you know I like on a run route) then the off-camber mud (get out of the way here he comes) were always going to be slow on racing flats which themselves have seen better days, so with one last YOLO round the left hander into the finish I pushed for the line........and then it was all over, I'd finished in 1:46:20 which put me in the top 20 of a fairly spaced out field which had St Helens Tri teammate Sam Wardle atop the standings with a spectacular run split confirming his win, and another teammate Garry Banks agonisingly missing out in the MV50 race for the podium by just four seconds.

After a quick check on how Rebecca and John were getting on I fished around for a pub showing the 1:30 kickoff from the Hawthorns, where Liverpool took another step towards Champions League qualification and I chilled out with a nice cool pint of Coors Light. This was an ideal choice because not feeling stuffed meant that I could enjoy the best hot chocolate (unicorn edition, don't ask me where the name came from) at ESC bar in the town centre. Indeed I'd recommend it as a must-visit if you decide to go for a ride to the Nick O'Pendle (to refuel, not to carry the red velvet cake in your stomach up the climb). I left at 4pm and made it home just in time to switch on 4+1 and watch Sebastian Vettel beat Lewis Hamilton to win the Bahrain Grand Prix which was almost as attritional as the race I'd completed earlier in the day! All in all a good way to get back into the swing of triathlon for 2017 and don't miss the Cheshire Triathlon on 21 May!

Now for the results, in association with ESC of Clitheroe:

Distance: 400m/T1/30k/T2/8k
Time: 9:10/0:39/1:02:30/1:10/32:49 (total 1:46:20)
Final Position: 18th from 231 finishers
Wave 14 Position: 1st after a tough battle with Number 207
Dangerous Pheasants: 2
Hors Cat Climbs: 1
Lost Bottles: 1
Post Race Hydration: Pint of Coors Light in the pub and a designer hot chocolate at ESC, plus a red velvet cake

REJECT OF THE RACE: Anything to do with Jeffrey Hill
(One of us lost all balance and had to get off, another simply came flying off)

Time to put the iPad away before thoughts turn to work over the next week or so. What price a nice simple 5k on flat roads for a shot at a sub-18 I wonder?