R is for Retrospectively Runaway Race Group (2019 Remix)

It's rare that I even venture out of the house in good form the day after a cross country and yesterday wasn't a huge deviation from the norm, but when something's got to be done, it's got to be done. So I rolled out to the shop for 9am having demolished a Euro Garages bought flapjack for last second energy to be greeted by the news that there would only be three groups. Now that Gareth Olley has outlawed the A/B rides and that he obviously believes that all non-A group rides should just be eliminated it was of little surprise that the three Race groupers were happy to sit on the front of John Pout's A ride which was a fairly unspecific run round the hills of Whittle-le-Woods. Laura took the C's and Ste Francis joined in Gemma's B group ride but for me it would simply be a case of start, and then try to survive, the Race groupers. John Pout led us out of town, beginning with Dark Lane.

HIDING TOWARDS THE BACK, AKA THE LUCKY CHUCK OFFENSE

I slotted in towards the back for once next to Ian Hampson who spent most of last Sunday trying to get to grips, quite literally, with a demo Giant TCR Disc from one of our favourite places in town where it's only a 5- second stagger to the Baltic Social for Lucky Jack IPA (well they do offer great vegan food and mellow jazz too, if I created an IPA I'd call it Lucky Chuck as in CHINOOK). The group crested Greetby and vaulted down towards the Hoscar Moss at just over 20mph leading some of us to wonder if it would be a repeat of December 2nd when I had to throw in the towel before getting to Belmont and the Roman Road simply because there wasn't enough #mentalstrength. Unlike the post-Woodbank XC disaster though, I wasn't landing on my legs with every pedal stroke having corrected the reach issue with the new setup and this would prove absolutely pivotal in ensuring survival here as I wasn't feeling as though I was going for a three hour run. We passed the B group featuring 5star who must have been mightily relieved to see me AKA Mission WinEverything (a play on Scuderia Ferrari's Mission WinNow fake tobacco sponsorship package). Once onto the Hoscar Moss we overcame puddles, potholes and an aggressive Audi driver who barged across the bridge as if we weren't there then cooled the pace a little on the way to the Eagle and Child. I heard some choice comments about how all group rides are now getting faster, and that's before I re-learn how to race a bike once more (six miles in 38 minutes of XC running on Saturday wasn't bad though I guess) and indeed we'd almost end up going cross country as we went straight on at the pub and past Cedar Farm which was already quite busy on a road full of fallen twigs and sharp stones. I'm sure John Faz would mandate a 45mm minimum tyre width for such applications and he would be horrified to hear that I'm considering 23mm tyre width for the latest BOOM wheel steal from the local second hand market (like the 50mm wheels Ste Francis was on yesterday but in full carbon black) but luckily no one was using squealy carbon brakes as we meandered our way through a sequence of rarely trodden roads to reach the Chicken and Egg farm quite ahead of schedule. Well it beats rattling through Mawdesley village. Once into Eccleston we turned left at the crossroads towards the humpback bridge and began part 2 of the ride, the road to Top Locks.

CAN'T BLAME THE WHIPPERSNAPPERS HERE, THEY FORGOT TO BRING THEIR ID

In the XC sprint finish I overtook a kid from Manchester Metropolitan University and there's a rather artistic picture doing the rounds which makes it look like we're two students racing to the SU bar as in "he who gets there first buys the beer". Let's not ask about "got any ID on you" but Alex is usually a good candidate for stretching the pace out. According to Stefan he was resting at home, but no worries, Stephen and Rob Shirley, both of whom will no doubt be figuring to win the V50 races at Litherland this year, were flying on the front and indeed I think I might have to press Rob for empirical feedback on the CR50 wheels to steal extra speed. They would have been useful for the next assignment, the long straight towards Leyland, which we arrived at via a "making your mind up" moment with the traffic at the MOT garage roundabout where the drivers couldn't decide whether or not to cross our path. I mean, let us go, or make the move properly, don't have us trackstanding. Eventually we crested the rise onto the road for Runshaw College, Stefan no doubt being astonished to hear my gearbox change down twice on such a small incline (new personal best there) and then it was across the huge junction and left for Dawsons Lane, where we saw a few little people coming the other way on bikes. Next was the left then right turn for Shaw Brow, where we concertinad pretty tightly, almost as much as needed to stay as one, but obviously not good enough for the unidentified idiot who broke the world record for the longest EVER car horn and I can only hope he's either had to have a new one fitted today or he's traded his now destroyed motor in for a Yaris. The climb past the pumping station was suitably arduous and we thought we were going onwards to Hill Top, but we'd missed the right turn and as such had a fast descent through the trees before climbing once more up to the Top Locks pub. We knew it was left here but some wisecracks (not me) seemed to be wishing it had been a case of turn left, let's say, around 100 metres earlier at the bridge. No idea why............anyway we continued towards the A674, crossed it with ease (at least unless you were towards the back) and set off on part 3, as in I wonder which climb he'll throw in?

SOMEONE'S BEEN READING THE ST HELENS TRI MENTAL TOUGHNESS MANUAL

We passed a few runners wearing souvenir tops from last week's Mad Dog 10k and I was thinking I should have brought my Skechers and joined them as first Stephen and then Rob overtook me. My position at the top of the climb actually wasn't too bad though a Vauxhall Mokka did its best to block me out. As it turned out it was a good decision to tow-rope the 4x4 as it led us to the next decision making point where some took advantage of the situation to go for a piss stop. I noticed that the way we were going was towards Anglezarke and I was now thinking "is he going to add Belmont and the Roman Road on as well" so it was with some trepidation that I crossed the bridge and hit the slopes of such a slippery climb thinking I might not even get to the top. But worse was to come, as the only rain shower of the day belted down and made life an absolute misery. The type of misery that makes the difference between winning and (well I can't bring myself to say that word as it's near impossible to stomach, ask Chelsea or the French rugby team). In a foretaste of things to come later in the day, six people were ahead of me for much of the climb leaving me in 7th place and it was a major surprise that I was able to get round Tony to climb back into the top six at the summit. The descent wasn't too bad until the final hairpin where those on disc brakes were chuckling at their good fortune and the rest of us were praying we'd stay on the right side of our handlebars. With all 13 riders together once more we could set off past the reservoir which Rob suggested some of us could have just gone straight into for a swim (as in do a CHINOOK on the wall separating the road from the water's edge) The descent then the short steep climb had us belting towards Adlington pub pretty sharpish, still with me just about at the rear of the main field and a few others struggling to maintain contact altogether. For now we were onto the toughest part of the ride, the long flat stretch back home for din dinz.

WHO YOU CALLING THE REAL MCCOY NOW?

I was surprised that I stayed in contention up the short drag out of Limbrick as the descent to the bridge is always quite sketchy and I was reluctant to heave on the handlebars with a nasty mix of rainwater and painted white lines all over the road. We picked up the speed properly on the descent out of Chorley retail parks and this would be quite the theme all the way home, though my much improved position on the bike plus a willingness to limit yesterday's post XC drinking to one bottle of Runaway IPA at Riddling Rack of Newton-le-Willows would have me relishing, rather than wanting to runaway from, the battle to stay alive through Euxton and onto the forested section where the road bends left then right up the hill, a real underappreciated classic in our local area. All this runaway talk brought back memories of the 90s classic of the same name (go look up the airplay mix it'll fire up any workout, can't believe the song is like 25 years old) but 25 years ago the only experience I'd have had of racing through forests was on the relevant mode of Lotus Turbo Challenge on the Commodore Amiga which was actually a hell of a lot more frustrating than trying to hold Stephen's rear wheel or deal with a pillock in an Audi as we had to just before the return to the MOT garage. But that's what everyone somehow managed to do as we continued through Midge Hall awaiting the call to turn left somewhere. Clearly Pouty's interpretation of Croston and beyond wasn't quite what I thought it would be,as mercifully we would turn off at the train station to try and get food at Twin Lakes. However, the queue was almost out the door which normally means "there's a chance to starve Chinook, right that's it no food for anyone, ban breakfast too" but despite a right faff on my part to get the gloves back on, seven of us who didn't need to be back early turned right out of Croston and across the moss to Rufford. Stephen Nelson was undoubtedly the man who deserved to take the win but Paul who also subscribes to the Mission WinEverything mentality scooted past to steal it at the line. This was a nice little prelude to a great cafe stop where the piece de resistance was undoubtedly my chip barmcake, with brown sauce and a can of San Pellegrino Limonata. All in that was only £4.60 and a perfect fill me up for that modern rarity, "don't go straight home do more miles." John Faz must have died of shock seeing me write that about myself but it wouldn't be one of his "10 laps of Southport and now Caroline hates me" game plans. Rather, I wanted to visit Edge Hill Sport to see how my mate was getting on with the same coaching course I did in November. So with everyone refreshed and ready to go we set sail for home beginning with the railway line crossing.

ALWAYS TRUST THE PROCESS, ALWAYS PUSH PAST YOUR LIMITS, ALWAYS WIN, MR BELLEW APPROVES

I was now out front with Pouty who was only joining us up to a point as he wanted to go up the Beacon for more hill climbing power. So having spent two miles alongside him (one of which was assisted by yet another 4x4) I was about to get CHELSEA'D because guess who was about to pull alongside me? Yes you guessed it, Stephen Nelson. The usual practice of curling oneself into a ball over the stem worked for a further mile before he pulled away leaving Rob Shirley to be next man over the Ring O'Bells bridge. I almost went to Booths at this point to steal some booms but decided to prioritise Edge Hill so trailed smoke at the back of the now six-strong field, and once again a familiar story would be retold; Stephen Nelson doing the hard man work only for Paul to steal Steal STEAL yet AGAIN. We rolled into Ormskirk and now I had to extend the ride as previously mentioned so as to get past the 50 mile mark and see the BTF hordes at the Sporting Edge, where I caught up with Mark and Terry. Mark's doing the course and Terry, the head coach at St Helens Tri, is one of the course leaders and between us we got a good discussion about how everything was going, as well as the cameo appearance by Tony Bellew the day before. After all, nothing unites the red men and the blue shites more than a sport which is all about beating the hell out of your fellow man. One quick Starbucks later it was time to ride home into a horrible headwind down Scarth Hill Lane but as already mentioned, that's what makes you or breaks you. So I crested Town Green station taking the longer loop home and after a final uphill YOLO I could finally unclip having covered 54 miles in breezy but generally dry weather. Now the season begins in earnest, the clock is ticking towards Litherland and the TT's.........

Now for the results, powered by Runaway IPA:

Distance: 86.45km
Time: 3:05:05
Average Speed: 28.03kmh
Hors Cat Climbs: 1
Sunday Drivers: 3
Number of Chips Eaten: Approximately 32 (more than my waist size)

REJECT OF THE RIDE: The unidentified one
(Hope the replacement horn sets him back a few bob)

See you all next week for another ride. Let's just hope it's not quite so windy on the way back..........