The Winter Olympics Come to Wythenshawe - Frozen Mud Edition

For the 2018 season opener I left work at 1pm yesterday and drove to Wythenshawe Park for the final round of the Manchester cross country league. Unusually, there were two things to focus on; the battle to get St Helens Tri promoted to Division 2 and the intra club competition to crown the men's series champion, Myka Heard having already clinched the ladies title at the previous round in Stockport. It was a right royal battle to find a car parking space and eventually I had to resort to Wythenshawe Road itself, far from ideal when there's such a long slog to the changing rooms which look more like something out of Texas death row; tiny cubicles which were last painted in the Britpop era and nowhere to put your PIC (politically incorrect) GUESS shopping bag which looks like it's got a picture of Rita Ora on the side. At least you know how to find it after the race though. I arrived a the team tent at 2:10 and declared that in the interests of gender equality the clipboard girl had been fired and we'd just use my brain to work out the points situation for the awards night, no that this stopped a dog trying to block my path to the team gazebo. So with all this in mind, eleven of us made our way to a muddy field to begin the final round of the cross country season.

Given that it was the first race since my vestibular migraine diagnosis I wasn't expecting a great start and so it proved as I got bogged down under acceleration, made worse because I really struggle with not knowing where my balance is, as in where to put my feet. I rounded the left hander onto the bridge and towards the tower blocks needing to make up ground just to pass a few team mates. I overtook Dean Golba AKA Go-Kart Mozart first then Dave Gaskell, just as I nearly impaled myself in pretty delicate fashion on one of the course perimeter poles which were at, let's say, 32 inch inside leg height, oh dear...........This amused Dave no end and having provided a bit of early entertainment I set off after Colin Dobbs, who I thought was our fourth man on the road. I knew I needed fifth or better to secure a top six league placing and when I passed him towards the end of lap one things were looking even better for me.

But this was unchartered territory for me, as I knew the deep mud parts of the course were ruining my top end speed I can use on hard packed mud and gravel and having ascended to best of the rest status at the run into the woods I knew Colin would relish the start/finish straight before the bridge crossing and after he re-passed me I was so slow on the tight turns at the back of the circuit that Kev Dunbar got in between us! At this point I didn't know I was in 5th, I thought three were in front of our own group and that I would miss out at the final hurdle. By now I  was having flashbacks to the 2008 Brazilian Grand Prix when Lewis Hamilton thought he'd lost the world championship by slipping to sixth with two laps to go only to steal it back on the final corner. Kind of the worst day ever as a Ferrari fan, but each year it gets a little bit more amusing. And here was a chance to get my own back! As such I gunned it through the faster parts of the course and finally found a way past Kev again with just over a lap to go. Meanwhile a Stockport Harrier was doing his best to win the Reject award by failing to take the last left hander before the pit straight and nearly got CHINOOK'D as I was next up behind him. Onto the final lap it was, and I listened intently as we entered the forest at the back of the circuit to Robert Wilson cheering us on. Would he call another name out in earshot? Luckily not, but we still had the mud puddle to deal with one last time before the final run through the woods. Colin just got away in the final minutes so he was best of the rest behind Eddie Hirst who was first club counter on the day while Michael Forber's second place was more than enough to clinch the overall title. Meanwhile it turned out that I had miscounted the numbers we had entered as Colin was actually third, my fourth place allowed us to finish tied for 5th in the series on 39 points and Kev and Che Heard rounded out the top six, Che even finishing without his race number and ten of his spikes missing. And eventually when the results came out I realised there were 360 in the race and I'd finished 124th, my highest ever finish in the Manchester league!

After coming to my senses it was off to the post race photos directed by Myka, who also showed us the way to Eddie's cakes, Parkin and liquorice/chocolate. These were superb and went down well with the remaining water stored in the GUESS bag. We went our separate ways and I covered myself and the car as best as possible before driving home to arrive at 5pm just after the start of the rugby. I watched the first half on the iPad propped up in the bath before bolting to Billinge at halftime. A quick Coke was consumed in the Stork pub while watching the second half "cling on for the win" job by Eddie Jones' men before crossing the road for hotpot, vegetables, cake, Carlsberg Zero and a brilliant awards night. Many people won multiple prizes including Myka and Che, as well as Steve Williams and Charlie Taktak. But the funniest part was the raffle. Check this list of goofs:

Winner of BOOM TIMES TWO: Me (Prosecco and red wine, I can't drink until Easter)
Winner of an MOT: Charlie Taktak (who doesn't have a driving licence yet never mind a car)
Winner of a bottle of whisky: Harry (who's 8 years old)
Winner of a St Helens Tri entry: Craig Abbott (Alison, fit some stabilisers to the Dolan Scala please)
And winner of a sports massage from a rival company: Dr Death AKA Derek Ireland

So after a quick dash downstairs where an 80's disco was in full swing we stayed until 1:15am when we headed home and, in some cases, still got out for a ride the next morning. But what a season opener. Now on to the Parkruns, TT's and the triathlon season!

Now for the results, powered by Carlsberg Zero:

Distance: about 10k
Time: 46:14
Overall position: 124th (PB)
St Helens Position: 4/11
Crashes: 1 by the reject award winner
Stability Aids Used: 2 (skull cap and gloves)
Broken Poles: 1
Post Race Nutrition: Cakes at the race venue followed by hotpot, more cakes and Carlsberg Zero at the awards

REJECT OF THE RACE: Stockport Harrier's Resident Basketball Player
(If I struggle with stability at my height then someone who's 1.90m had no chance)

Time for the rugby, just paused for Flower of Scotland the best anthem in all of sports. Then it's the red men at 4:30pm GO LIVERPOOL!