F is for Flashdance, Flashbang and Fizz Sticks - Woodbank XC 2018

For the 15th round of my 2018 season I left work at 1pm, battled fairly heavy traffic on the M56 and drove to Woodbank Park in Stockport yesterday for the third round of the Manchester cross country league. As the first club race since the funeral of Aaron Reading, I was in a focus mood not seen since the "Rhapsody for Great Manchester" race in Prestwich last season when it was my first trip there since the Arena attack. I parked up on Turncroft Lane with the Arbonne package in the car ready for the fair and ran to the only row of trees where I could get a discreet piss stop away from the people who were already racing. The ladies, in case you were wondering. I found the club gazebo and dropped off my shoes to change into my 15mm long spikes which would come in very useful on such a technical course and proceeded to get the arms and legs moving, and test the surface out. Colin Dobbs, another PLS runner who's flying for both the Garston team and the Saints, took up position fairly far up the field in front of me as the countdown was given and at 2:30pm, the gun sounded and we were underway.

I decided to go aggressive in the early stages and try and stay far up the field but while Colin and Mike Forber got away, I was more concerned with holding off David Isaac for third place amongst all the other runners because I'd targeted a top-5 for this race knowing that it was my "danger course" a la Lewis Hamilton on a Red Bull circuit (in other words if he wins Monaco then Max Verstappen's 2019 title hopes are over). We were cheered on by Terry Bates who's delighted to have Coach Chinook in the building nowadays because he can now split the track sessions into two groups (but don't get me started on cariocre, I can't run sideways or round corners, Mike will tell you that). On the first descent I really thought I was going to fall over but unlike the February 2017 edition I had surprisingly good traction largely because I was striking on the spikes and not my heel so I could at least grip better. David made another bid to pass me at the foot of the hill but I thought better of it and proceeded to go after the runners in front of me, including some bloke who ran away with the Reject award by turning up to run in LILAC TIGHTS of all things. I wouldn't pass Mr Flashdance until the start of lap 2 but in yet another stunning surprise, I was right up the back of Mike as we went up THE HILL at the end of lap 1 and he didn't see the "Chinook Special" this time. There's a tree just before the last right hander which you can go either side of and I used it as a covert operation job to sneak past when he wasn't looking! I did say "Red Bull" to him as a code for "pass me on the descent I don't want to hold you up" but the second lap was even better than the first as I enjoyed a nice little duel with some bloke who looked like one of those Kenyan track specialists. Maybe he's another Chinook, who knows? Anyhow, Terry was now wandering around the course giving us pace notes and shouted to me that Colin wasn't too far ahead. I knew that Colin was always going to take the win so for my part I was more concerned with dealing with a few Wilmslow runners and someone in a patterned vest similar to the gunmetal grey one I have for a tri suit. Onto the last lap we went, and one of the five Terry's there seemed to be out there shouted "Colin's only 5 seconds ahead" (I'm sure it was more like 20) but anyway we even started lapping some other runners whose chassis were even worse than mine (though I have obviously lightened the monocoque this year). As we approached the finish a couple of kids were wandering on the outside of the last two left-handers but they dutifully moved out of the way just in time for me to sweep up an old man in a purple vest and with no-one else ahead of me to steal any more places off, I sprinted for the line and eventually finished in a time of 44:07, over two and a half minutes quicker than in February 2017 and a terrific second place, with Colin making it a PLS/Saints 1-2!

I was absolutely buzzing about the result knowing that when I go to Bagley for the season finale in February I'm nearly home and dry to out score last year's total, with 36 points now placing me third in the club standings behind the runaway top two of Colin and Mike. We watched the others come in, with David Isaac just edging Kevin Dunbar on the line for fourth and a great first outing of the season for Paul Booth who placed seventh. We retired to the gazebo and caught up with Claire Murphy who is coming up on the rails as a likely winner of the ladies title, and Cheryl Pace, who ran the course essentially on one foot after stumbling on a tree stump. Hope your foot is better today Cheryl. I just had a black coffee before walking back to the car with Terry, enjoying a good discussion about what differences coaching makes to performance and also how the derby will go today. I lobbed the dirty shoes in the car and bolted to Total Fitness Wigan where I got a quick shower and then it was straight to Garswood for the fair. At the church hall there were many stalls including the Body Shop and someone selling watches. But the star of the night was Patricia, an 80-year old lady who not only enjoyed one of my apple fizz stick cocktails, but also scored on the BEER PING PONG table and won some night repair cream! What a legend she is. Come 9:30pm it was time to make my way home, dropping off Elvina at her home in Southport as I did so, before parking up at 11pm having enjoyed a thrilling day out; what better way to close the St Helens Tri races out for the year than under sunset at the toughest course of all?

Now for the results, powered by the latest hot shot energy drink, Arbonne Apple Fizz Sticks:

Distance: 10.4km
Time: 44:07
Final Position: 150/434
Kids: 2
80s Fashion Statements: 1
Terry Bates Clones: at least 3
Times Happy-Snapped: 2 by Chris Forber and Charlie Taktak
Post Race Nutrition: 9/10 (Accidentally vegan Mr Kipling's apple and blackberry pies after the race, then sushi and Dr Pepper at the fair. No beer though)

REJECT OF THE RACE: Flashdance Man
(Were the tights purely to hide American Football body armour because he knew I was racing?)

Time to wrap up before a trip into Ormskirk for the match. Well done to everyone who raced yesterday, I'm certainly feeling it now!