Chinook and Chronomaster Unplanned - My First 25 Mile TT

Sometimes, the best things in life are completely unplanned. Those of us old enough to remember the build-up to World Cup '98 will remember Paul Gascoigne being omitted from the squad, but almost unnoticed, Fat Les entered stage right with the best football song ever, Vindaloo. Yes, it may have looked like an out-take from an English Defence League rally but in a way that made the slapstick nature of it all the more hilarious. And tonight's big show in Bickerstaffe was a case in point, as I turned up at 6pm ready to sign on for what I thought was a 10 mile TT. Only trouble was, it turned out that I'd picked one of only two Tuesday evenings all summer long that were scheduled as a 25 and, worse still, I'd stripped the bike down in the name of saving watts and losing weight, including the bottle cage. Now I had to formulate a plan to stay hydrated, learn the D25/3 course and somehow log a time that would look half-respectable, all before the chippy closed. Could I do it? Well we wouldn't have long to find out, as first of all I drove down the A506 and round the Bickerstaffe road race course to familiarise myself with the corners; how fast they were, where the potholes were, and so on. I then rode from race HQ to the start all alone, parking up just before 7pm to swallow a caffeinated gel, the bottle of Arbonne Complete Hydration having been left in the car. Come 7:09pm it was time to clip in and with the five-second countdown sounding in my ears, it was time to roll and the first 25 mile time trial of my career was underway.

The first few miles were a long slow slog with an annoying crosswind all the way to the turning for Bickerstaffe church, but I'd overtaken Focus Culebro Tria Man before I'd even reached the junction. One victim accounted for and I hadn't even hit the 10 course yet. For those unfamiliar with the 25, you ahve to basically do the A570 loop twice, including the "Little Chef" roundabout which is now more commonly known as Starbucks Island. This I reached after a thrilling blast all the way to the roundabout for the A570 itself, but I didn't carry anything like enough speed onto the carriageway and 21mph was where I pretty much stayed for the duration of the northern slog to Little Chef Graveyard (did anyone notice they turned 60 this year and shut down almost at the same time) but the southward leg to Rainford was a real hoot, including top speeds of 32mph and a real sense of "I can catch this one". The next person I came across was a lady on a black and yellow Dolan Scala; clearly Luke Jackson's already doing well in the bike trade as she was looking very purposeful on it, and it took me until the slowest part of the coourse (A570 Wheatsheaf to M58) to overtake her. At Little Chef, Part Deux, I also came across St Helens Tri teammate Louise who was on her Pinarello road bike. She was on her first lap and we waved at each other as I overtook, but as I went under the motorway bridge for the second time I had a strange sense of foreboding much like Croatia's manager has about tomorrow night's game. My fears were well-founded, because out popped Volvo 4x4 Driver who scooted out of the M58 slip road and onto the carriageway without seeing the Limar 007 trying to race past on the right side! So I had to let her overtake me in the left lane while I pointed at her side window as if to say "that's what you look out of, idiot". With this miscreant having locked up the Reject award for the night I set about bombing it back to Rainford Island, which again was a lot of fun, and by now I was even thinking "I'm going to finihs this" which I certainly wasn't thinking on the first ride northwards to the church. However, upon leaving the south end roundabout I spotted Number 5 ahead. I knew I had him because he was my four-minute man, but he was a bit disorientated by this point because he swerved from his lane into the next one and Volkswagen Lupo Man nearly hit him! As I passed him I said "are you alright" but unfortunately I didn't have any Arbonne protein bars to hand off to him so I just had to put the hammer down on the run back to the Wheatsheaf island, and now it was straight onto the usual finish stretch, until the turn-off for the BIckerstaffe road race course, in reverse. It was here that Number 12 passed me and he was a great example to chase and try and match in terms of gear choice (obviously not my cadence) but I started to feel seriously weak on the ride back to the church and as such I was relieved that Number 1 AKA my eight-minute man was struggling so much, because I could at least brewathe a bit easier as to my position in the race itself. Now it was straight up the climb over the motorway and into the left-hand, downhill turn onto the A506 for the big YOLO back to base. This was conquered at a good average speed and I even had it in me to bash out the 52x11 one last time for the chequerboard. having thought before I set out that I'd be lucky to beat 1:05, I was delighted that my final result was a time of 1:01:41, good enough for a place in the top half of the field on a night when 28 competed, Tom Hanlon AKA Mr Chronomaster got on the podium and Phil Williams once again blew the field away on his Giant Trinity.

I rode back with Tom just as a cute kitten thought better of running across our path and he remarked how tough it had been out there tonight, but at least he knows what it's like to go under the hour; for my part I was just glad to bank the miles and ponder options for raising the armrests ahead of the half Ironman on September 1st. Upon returning to Race HQ it was cup of tea time and a quick chance to compare bikes and handlebar positions, and it's fair to say that I could do with using the same extensions all the time, but with options for different stack heights; looks like I'll need to complete the Giant armrest collection (hellow Phil Williams........) Come 9pm it was time to get chips and curry plus a bottle of Heineken to refuel but what an unexpectedly good night out, and as Gareth Southgate would say, why can't we do great things? Why can't it be us?

Now for the results, brought to you by the now-defunct Little Chef:

Distance: 25 miles/40km

Time: 1:01:41

Final Position: 13/28

Bike Overtaken: 4

Bikes Overtook Me: 2

Stupid Drivers: 1

Cute Kittens: 1

Post Race Nutrition: 10/10 (Chips and curry plus a pint of Heineken, get in)

REJECT OF THE RACE: Volvo 4x4 Driver

(Looking through the window of the car alongside you won't help you spot J-Lo the Jaguar, use your brain next time)

Time to wrap things up after a great night's racing. It's 10 mile TT's all the way to the end of the season now, who's having a go next week?